LAS VEGAS? – In an event recently held at an undisclosed location very possibly located somewhere near the Las Vegas Strip, adult mega-super-duper-star Angelina Blanca took home 125 of the 127 available trophies at the inaugural Ben Suroeste Awards (“BS Awards”), veteran adult industry quasi-journalist Ben Suroeste reported just now.
In an amazing, nigh inexplicable sweep, Blanca somehow managed to win both the “Best New Performer” and “Comeback Performer of the Year” BS Awards. Other highlights of her evening included receiving the BS Awards for “Most Popular Performer”, “Rising Star of the Year”, “Best Livestream of a Performer Doing Her Taxes” and “Best Actress in a Scene Featuring Angelina Blanca.”
Ben Suroeste, the Host, Producer, Master of Ceremonies and Lead Bail Bondsman for the BS Awards, said he couldn’t think of a performer more deserving of the honors than Blanca.
“And I mean that literally,” Suroeste added. “I’m so fucking hungover right now that not a single other performer’s name is coming to mind. Honestly, Angelina’s name probably wouldn’t come to mind either, if I hadn’t just woken up in this utility closet with it freshly tattooed on my stomach.”
“I can’t thank Ben enough for honoring me with these 10 dozen-plus awards, or however many it was exactly,” Blanca said. “While the logistics of getting all the statues back home to New Zealand will be a challenge, I will rise to that challenge – just as you’d expect from the winner of the 2023 BS Award for Adult Industry’s Biggest Mover and/or Shaker.”
While Angelina said she’s “probably like 98.425% thrilled” with taking home nearly every BS Award, she admits to being “a little bummed” that she didn’t capture all 127 trophies.
“Mark my words – next year, I’m getting the Best Male Performer prize and Live Cam Platform of the Year, just to round out my BS trophy case,” Blanca said. “To those who say it’s impossible for an individual performer to win an award designed to go to a platform, I have simple rebuttal: Obviously, you have never seen me plank!”
In addition to taking all but two awards granted out by the BS Academy, the secretive, one-man organization behind the BS Awards, Blanca snared every BS Fan Award – an outcome at least one of her competitors found extremely suspicious.
“I find it hard to believe that while no other nominee garnered more than 160 votes for Best Blowjob in an Automotive Context, Angelina got 13,457,938,411 votes legitimately,” said veteran adult performer Sasha McTush. “I mean, at least a few of those people must have voted twice, right?”
McTush added that “even more maddening” was the other category in which she finished as runner-up: Best Performer Named Sasha McTush.
“I honestly felt like I was a lock for that one,” McTush said. “Oh well; maybe next year.”
For more information on the BS Awards and Suroeste’s plans for the runaway hit show’s 2024 edition, please wait until Ben is in a better place and mood. At the moment, he’s reportedly fully occupied with menacing an intrusive hotel maid with what looks like a sharpened toothbrush handle.