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By

//Ben Suroeste

Why is a Dead Physicist Censoring the Fed’s Internet?

By Dewey Trueman Special to YNOT WASHINGTON – While I think we can all agree it’s not ideal to have federal government employees surfing porn on the job instead of dutifully depriving Americans of their civil rights or burning through taxpayers’ money with hair-brained...
Posted On 11 May 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

‘Smart Porn’: Just Like Skynet, Only Kinkier

TAMPA, Fla. – These days, you can’t be too careful when it comes to the technology you allow inside your home. With the rapid advancement in sophistication of artificial intelligence and robotics, soon you won’t be able to leave your wallet in the same room with your Roomba, or...
Posted On 10 May 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

God, Porn, Vengeance, Injuries and Basketball

By Abigail Cuthbert Special to YNOT OAKLAND, Calif. – When you’ve already made the mistake of locating your professional sports franchise adjacent to the modern equivalent of Sodom and Gomorrah, one must be very careful not to exhibit other errors in judgment that could anger a...
Posted On 06 May 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Former Porn Star Who Found God Still Exists

VICTORIA, Canada – You might not have heard about this, because it has been written about by right-leaning media outlets only approximately 3.8 billion times since 2012, but a few years back a famous and very popular porn star stopped doing porn because she found God. If you...
Posted On 05 May 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Porn: Ubiquitous, Addictive … But Also ‘Dying Out’

MIDLAND, Mich. – For some reason, almost every article that references Joseph P. Overton, the fellow who came up with an appropriately-named political science theory called the Overton Window, starts by acknowledging the reader has likely never heard of him. I’m not going to do...
Posted On 04 May 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

NFL Draft Teaches Lessons About Porn, Parenting

By Matt LeMaestro Special to YNOT CHICAGO – When it comes to college football prospects and the NFL draft, I thought I knew everything. I thought I had considered every angle and anticipated all the possibilities, from each prospect’s ceiling as a talent to the myriad ways they...
Posted On 03 May 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Study: Surveys a Lousy Means of Determining Causality

NEW YORK – A groundbreaking new study conducted by researchers at South Bronx University’s Postal School of Public Health has documented a notable increase in the number of scientists who think surveys are a lousy means of determining causality. According to the study’s abstract,...
Posted On 02 May 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Utah Should Sue the Internet

By Prudence Beecher Special to YNOT SALT LAKE CITY, Utah – When a man like Utah State Senator Todd Weiler bravely takes a stand against a global scourge like pornography, inspiring his colleagues to join him in declaring smut to be the public health crisis pandemic we all know it...
Posted On 29 Apr 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Clinton Flogs Sanders with Porn, or Something

By Dewey Trueman Special to YNOT PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Breaking news: Bernie Sanders is in stable but elderly condition following a savage beating from political rival Hillary Clinton, who allegedly thrashed her opponent about the face using a book made entirely of pornography....
Posted On 28 Apr 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Ignoring Porn, Arizona Identifies a Different Crisis

PHOENIX – After hearing what one of the resolution’s co-sponsors described as “very compelling testimony and highly convincing statistical evidence,” the Arizona Legislature on Tuesday issued a concurrent resolution declaring shoes a public health hazard and “significant security...
Posted On 27 Apr 2016
, By Ben Suroeste
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