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By

//Ben Suroeste

Because Prison Life Doesn’t Suck Enough Already

LINCOLN, Neb. – Every so often, I’ll hear someone refer to a three-year prison term as a “light punishment,” or complain modern prisons are more like country clubs than correctional facilities. When I hear such things, I immediately suspect two things about the speaker: He or she...
Posted On 23 May 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Porn Hackers Display Deplorable Lack of Originality

WASHINGTON – Once upon a time back in the 1980s, a hacker took over a digital message board on the campus of a major American university, on which he then proceeded to display a variety of profane, inappropriate, disgusting and, in some cases, quite funny messages. I’ve looked up...
Posted On 17 May 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

‘Politics Porn’ Starring Kellyanne Conway? No Thanks.

NEW YORK – In the world of porn, there’s often quite a bit of begging. Even outside the realm of BDSM, where pleading with one’s dom is often part and parcel of the role playing, you hear plenty of supplication along the lines of “yes, please fuck my ass,” or “don’t stop, please...
Posted On 16 May 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

One Potential Explanation: Maybe It Was ‘Freedom Porn’?

HENNEF, Germany – In the cyclical battle between the generations, there’s no line of demarcation quite like loud noise. Young people seem to thrive on the stuff, while the elderly almost certainly will call the police, eventually, if it disturbs either nap time or their enjoyment...
Posted On 11 May 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Country Music, Porn and Murder — Now That’s A Story

LOS ANGELES – If you’re even slightly familiar with the ongoing saga of accused killer Robert Durst, then you know it’s one hell of a twisted tale, filled with years of deception, alleged confessions to friends (including alleged future victims) and quite possibly the dumbest...
Posted On 10 May 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

When Life Gives You Rat Shit, Make Rat Shitade

LOS ANGELES – In Chris Bosh’s defense, maybe he thought X-Art was making a scat porn film and would appreciate having a bit of rat shit included in the price of rental. If that’s the case, however, Bosh clearly miscalculated, as he and his wife are now facing a lawsuit filed by...
Posted On 08 May 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Did They Get the Shark’s ID, at Least?

MIAMI – You’ve got a porn performer, an ocean, a small shark cage and a bunch of 10-foot lemon sharks. What’s the worst that can happen? Well… If what Camsoda was looking for when it set sail with Molly Cavalli the other day was publicity, the company is certainly getting it. The...
Posted On 05 May 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Food, Poverty, Real Estate, and Now… Intelligence?

WASHINGTON – These days, porn is everywhere you look, especially on the internet. Not only will you find porn on tens of thousands of adult websites, free and otherwise, but you’ll also find it within sites, blog posts, articles and photographs dedicated to all sorts of other...
Posted On 03 May 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Erotic Heritage Museum vs. Westboro Baptist Church

LAS VEGAS – When I saw the subject line of the email I received this morning, my heart nearly skipped a beat: “The Erotic Heritage Museum vs. The Westboro Baptist Church.” EHM vs. WBC, eh? This, I thought to myself, is either going to be one fascinating civil lawsuit, or the...
Posted On 19 Apr 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

The Science of Porn, Fish and Blind Dates

HERZLIYA, Israel – For some reason, in their unrelenting search for truth, or for something close enough to truth to justify applying for a grant, researchers are constantly fucking with college students. Back when I was a college student, researchers did things like trick us...
Posted On 17 Apr 2017
, By Ben Suroeste
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