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//Ben Suroeste
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God Damn, It’s Good To Be Atheist

ENGLEWOOD, Colo. – One of the nice things about not believing in any God is I don’t have to sit around wondering whether any given thing I do pisses Him off, or reminds Him of something He finds abominable, or any of the other shit all those “God-fearing” people presumably walk...
Posted On 03 Mar 2017
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I Thought Conservatives Don’t Like ‘Nanny States’

WASHINGTON – Politics is so confusing sometimes, it makes me wonder why I even bother feeling guilty about not voting. (I’m kidding of course. I’ve never once felt guilty about not voting.) Over the past several years, the world of politics has been turned on its head, effecting...
Posted On 02 Mar 2017
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Netizens Erupt Over ‘Softcore Space Porn’ Game

EDMONTON, Canada – When your stated mission is to “to create, deliver, and evolve the most emotionally engaging games in the world,” I guess you can’t afford to make offhand comments about one of your games becoming “totally softcore space porn.” (Because, you know, porn simply...
Posted On 28 Feb 2017
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The Other Thing that Porn Makes Hard

LOS ANGELES – Changing careers in midstream is always a difficult endeavor. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve spent 20 years practicing medicine, law or picking lint out of your navel in the middle of the night while sleepily ‘keeping watch’ over a warehouse full of cheap, useless...
Posted On 22 Feb 2017
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The Coming Porn-pocalypse: Crisis And Response

ATLANTA – How many Americans now remember, or ever realized in the first place, there was an H1N1 flu outbreak in 2009 that reached a level where public health officials declared it a pandemic? How many would recall then-President Obama declaring this strain of “swine flu” a...
Posted On 27 Jan 2017
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Of Fake News, Presidents, Pledges and Porn

WASHINGTON – There’s an old quote you might have heard about how “nobody has ever gone broke by underestimating the intelligence of the American people.” Of course, H. L. Mencken never actually wrote those words, but a great many people believe he did, because this is what...
Posted On 06 Jan 2017
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Enhance Your Public Speaking with Porn

By Evo Morales Special to YNOT LA PAZ, Bolivia – Hello my American friends! My name is Evo Morales. While I’m quite famous, you may not recognize my name because your educational system is designed to produce obedient consumers and not informed adults. I am the president of...
Posted On 05 Jan 2017
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Utah and Porn: Suing Our Way to a Decent Society

SALT LAKE CITY – In April 2016, Utah passed a nonbinding resolution declaring pornography a “public health crisis.” Now, the sponsor of the resolution says he’s working on a new bill that would enable residents of the state to sue porn producers for damages resulting from...
Posted On 04 Jan 2017
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CDC: Dreaded Disease Ravaging Legislatures

RICHMOND, Va. – The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a warning about the spread of the legum rationem mutus virus (LRM), a recently identified pathogen that experts say disproportionately affects state legislators. “We have yet to identify a true...
Posted On 03 Jan 2017
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What’s All this I Hear about Holographic Hookers?

By Hugh Murphy Special to YNOT BEVERLY HILLS – Hey there sex- and porn-industry folks! Actor, singer and noted funnyman Hugh Murphy here. It’s been a while since we last crossed paths in direct fashion, but you might remember my name from my days as a leading man in major...
Posted On 02 Jan 2017
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