As I look back on another eight months of not following my doctor’s year-starting order to get myself into the gym for some strength training before I fully devolve into a lump of middle aged jello, I have entered a crucial phase in the process – namely, it’s the “find something other than myself to blame for my failure” phase.
After lengthy and careful consideration, I have determined that porn is to blame for my inability to stick with a workout plan. No, seriously – just hear me out.
Lots of people have suffered from the angst and anxiety that can result from looking at pictures of people better looking and fitter than we are, so you might think that’s the direction I’m heading in here. Perhaps I’ve seen Mick Blue’s abs ripple as he thrusts one too many times and concluded that the bulbous lump hanging out above my genitals is just too large to overcome?
Nah, that’s not it. The real problem is all this porn viewing and reviewing has left me expecting that when I go to the gym, it will be empty other than one or two (or ideally as many as four) quite hot women who are also very much hot to trot.
Take the new release from HardX, for example – “Workout and Ass Fuck,” starring Amalia Davis in the role of the hot woman and Lucas Frost in the role of Guy at Gym Who is Not Me.
Through Amalia’s publicity reps, I know that in the new scene, she “delivers a high-energy performance that blends fitness aesthetics with uncompromising hardcore action” and that the scene “builds from an intense workout setup into an explicit anal-focused sequence with Lucas Frost, showcasing the raw intensity and visual style HardX is known for.”
What the press release does not explain (through to be fair, this might be obvious to people less porn addled than I am) is that in real life, women generally don’t hang around in gyms looking for guys with whom they can hook up. Of if they do, those guys generally look more like Lucas Frost than they do a former mountain man and presently escaped convict who has been hiding out in a cannabis dispensary with nothing but Doritos to eat for the last six years.
“Working with Lucas was such a rush,” Amalia said. “The workout vibe made everything feel hot and natural, and I loved how intense and fun the scene got. I’m really proud of how it turned out.”
Sadly, had it been me in that gym and not Lucas Frost, this would not have been the quote Amalia provided. That quote would have been more like: “Fuck, I need to find a new gym. There was a guy at mine today who was SO creepy. Imagine Charles Manson with a beer belly and no swastika carved into his forehead and you’ve pretty much got this guy.”
Alas… Maybe I should try being a pool boy? I already did the pizza delivery thing and that got me nowhere.
In any event, if you’d like to check out Amalia Davis and Guy at Gym Who is Not Me Lucas Frost in Workout and Ass Fuck, head on over to HardX.com.
