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//Opinions

Unoriginal Porn-Ideas, Presidential Campaign Edition

LOS ANGELES – While Cherie DeVille’s announcement of her campaign for the White House in 2020 is garnering media attention for its perceived novelty, in truth there’s nothing particularly new about a porn star throwing her (possibly cum-stained) hat into the campaign ring. We all...
Posted On 16 Nov 2017
, By GeneZorkin

At Least This Porn-Job Offer Would Make Sense

NEW YORK – Over the years, there have been countless porn jobs offered to mainstream celebrities by adult companies looking to drum up some quick, easy publicity. Typically, these offers come along when a celebrity has embarrassed himself/herself or wound up in the news for a...
Posted On 13 Nov 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Are U.K. Soldiers Really this Clueless about Porn?

LONDON – I’ll be the first to admit I don’t much about the British military. I do know the Brits spell the word “defense” like their soldiers’ overarching mission is to eradicate fencing from the planet. And I know they recently appointed a new Defense Secretary named “Gavin,”...
Posted On 08 Nov 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Despite all Odds, Arizona Politics Reach a New Low

PHOENIX – When Sen. Jeff Flake announced he will not seek reelection at the end of his current term, many saw the news as an opportunity for other Arizona Republicans to swoop in and snare Flake’s seat. Prior to Flake’s announcement, some GOP strategists had begun to fear the...
Posted On 07 Nov 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

God May Forgive Farrah’s Sins, but Not Her Incoherence

AUSTIN – Whatever one may think about Farrah Abraham reportedly being axed from her MTV gig over her various connections to the adult industry, it hardly should come as a surprise to anyone. Mainstream entities, even those that routinely trade on and profit from the public’s...
Posted On 01 Nov 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Porn Star Earns PhD, Becomes Professor; Italy Yawns

ROME, Italy – Some people are just too easily impressed and/or enraged. Take Argentinian play-by-play announcers working soccer matches, for example. It doesn’t matter how mundane a scoring play may be, those excitable motherfuckers are going to scream GOOOOAAAAALLLL!!! for all...
Posted On 31 Oct 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

If Not for the Porn, Would the Gaffe Warrant Mention?

BRISTOL, England – In the newsroom section of the Avon and Somerset Constabulary’s website, you can read about all sorts of interesting news involving the A&S police, including the recent seizure of “Samurai swords and a quantity of class A drugs” in Taunton, or advice about...
Posted On 30 Oct 2017
, By GeneZorkin

Real Porn Headlines, or Random Word-Jumble?

NEW YORK – More than ever before, I find myself wondering as I read the morning headlines whether I’m reading them correctly, or if a particularly strong tab of acid I took back in 1996 just hasn’t worn off yet. I’m not talking about headlines that simply suffer from confusing...
Posted On 27 Oct 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Two Maybes Does Not an Industry Pivot Make

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (or maybe MONTREAL) – If I were to tell VICE one of my fellow adult industry-focused freelance writers and I soon will start writing Hunter S. Thompson-inspired children’s books, would they publish a feature calling this an industry-wide trend? I ask because,...
Posted On 26 Oct 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Patreon’s Policy Change Rankles, but it’s No Surprise

SAN FRANCISCO – No matter how “adult friendly” a mainstream platform may be (or at least start out to be), it’s never a surprise to me when one tightens its content policies or community guidelines to make it clear porn is an expressive form non grata thereon. The crowdfunding...
Posted On 25 Oct 2017
, By GeneZorkin
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