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Cops and Boffers: To Penetrate and Serve?

DUBLIN – Officially, the mission of An Garda Síochána, the national police force of Ireland, is “working with communities to protect and serve.” More specifically, the core functions of the Gardai (as the force is commonly referred to) include “the detection and prevention of...
Posted On 18 Apr 2017
, By GeneZorkin

FSC Calls Production Halt After Positive HIV Test

CANOGA PARK, Calif. – Adult industry trade group Free Speech Coalition has called for a temporary production moratorium after a performer tested positive for HIV. As always, the precautionary work stoppage is voluntary. According to an FSC alert notice, the performer, who is...
Posted On 17 Apr 2017
, By Sue Denim

The Science of Porn, Fish and Blind Dates

HERZLIYA, Israel – For some reason, in their unrelenting search for truth, or for something close enough to truth to justify applying for a grant, researchers are constantly fucking with college students. Back when I was a college student, researchers did things like trick us...
Posted On 17 Apr 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Vulcan Warming Strokers: Stroke Long and Prosper

LOS ANGELES – Thanks to remarkably lifelike CyberSkin and warming lube, Topco’s new Vulcan Warming Strokers aren’t quite like having the real thing wrapped around your body parts, but we have it on good authority they’re the next best thing. The latest addition to the company’s...
Posted On 17 Apr 2017
, By Anna Cahnda

‘The Few, the Proud, the Constantly Getting Laid’

SAN DIEGO – Back when I was a high school senior, military recruiters somehow caught wind I wasn’t going straight to college after graduation. As a result, I received at least one phone call a week in which a recruiter for one of the four major branches of the armed forces tried...
Posted On 14 Apr 2017
, By GeneZorkin

Fleshlight Products Return to Honey’s Place

LOS ANGELES – Fleshlight has returned to Honey’s Place. The pleasure product distributor and Fleshlight manufacturer Interact Life Forms have rebooted their distribution partnership. Since its founding in 1996, Interactive Life Forms has sold more than eight million Fleshlights,...
Posted On 14 Apr 2017
, By Anna Cahnda

Womanizer Plus Redesigned for Better Ergonomics

SAN FRANCISCO – Womanizer Plus, a female sex toy that produces orgasms by indirect clitoral stimulation, has been redesigned to provide better ergonomics. Manufacturer epi24 believes the device’s new extended reach makes Womanizer Plus more comfortable and easier to use. The Plus...
Posted On 14 Apr 2017
, By Anna Cahnda

Life Beyond SEO: Keep Surfers Happy to Impress Google

Your website’s out of date. You need to modernize its look and feel, add better navigation, spiff up the video content, add more images and interactive features… The list is long and you’ll get to it all, eventually, but in the meantime you need to increase traffic and...
Posted On 13 Apr 2017
, By Sue Denim

Porn, Politics and Strange Bedfellows, NZ Edition

WELLINGTON, N.Z. – Nothing brings politicians and political activists together like expressing grave concern about the impact of pornography on modern society. Few, if any, other issues have the same potential for creating agreement between the socially conservative religious...
Posted On 13 Apr 2017
, By GeneZorkin

‘Master Series’ Has Sounds for All Experience Levels

HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. – XR Brands has expanded its Master Series brand with sounding selection that caters to multiple experience levels. The new additions include silicone and stainless steel options of various widths and shapes, all packaged and merchandised for easy...
Posted On 13 Apr 2017
, By G. Zisk Rice
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