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Category

//Opinions

Anti-Porn Pro Tip: Overstating Your Case Doesn’t Help

NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla. – When I’m considering the merits of someone’s argument, nothing inspires skepticism faster than rhetoric that makes careless use of superlatives or offers binary choices when other alternatives are obvious and manifest. In what could have been an...
Posted On 15 Mar 2017
, By GeneZorkin

Fed Worker Porn Ban: Which Two Regs Will They Dump?

WASHINGTON – Good news, America: Congress is about to take decisive action to stop all those federal workers from watching porn on the clock — you know, the massive problem that affects the productivity of significantly less than 1% of the federal workforce examined under a...
Posted On 14 Mar 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Oh Good: Another (Misrepresented) Porn Study

QUEBEC – Whenever I see a headline starting with the words “science says” or “science reveals,” I immediately suspect I’m about to read a lump of bullshit written by someone vastly overstating the certainty of the scientific claim in question. In looking at the study that serves...
Posted On 10 Mar 2017
, By GeneZorkin

Former Porn Star? Can’t Teach, But We’ll Let You Preach

FULTON, N.Y. – Stop when this starts to sound familiar: A former porn star remakes herself as preacher’s wife, embraces Jesus as her personal savior and thoroughly renounces her porn past to the cheers and adulation of decent people everywhere. Sounds like the story of Theresa...
Posted On 09 Mar 2017
, By GeneZorkin

Don’t These People Know How Cheap Domain Names Are?

SPRINGFIELD, Fla. – Every time I read about porn showing up on a domain once held by a politician, local government, school district or anything else along those lines, I shake my head and wonder. Don’t these people know how freaking cheap it is to renew a domain name? Take the...
Posted On 08 Mar 2017
, By GeneZorkin

Anti-Porn Truth, Sponsored By Fake Brain Pills

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Among the many articles published by right-wing news outlets about the National Center on Sexual Exploitation’s (NCSE) “Dirty Dozen list,” one caught my eye not for anything in the text of the article itself, but due to the spectacular advertising...
Posted On 06 Mar 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

God Damn, It’s Good To Be Atheist

ENGLEWOOD, Colo. – One of the nice things about not believing in any God is I don’t have to sit around wondering whether any given thing I do pisses Him off, or reminds Him of something He finds abominable, or any of the other shit all those “God-fearing” people presumably walk...
Posted On 03 Mar 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

I Thought Conservatives Don’t Like ‘Nanny States’

WASHINGTON – Politics is so confusing sometimes, it makes me wonder why I even bother feeling guilty about not voting. (I’m kidding of course. I’ve never once felt guilty about not voting.) Over the past several years, the world of politics has been turned on its head, effecting...
Posted On 02 Mar 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

How Should Federal Workers Waste Their Time?

WASHINGTON – Among many critics of “big government,” it’s a common practice to assert as established fact private entities operate more efficiently than their state-run counterparts. The government, we’re told, is a monument of inefficiency, waste and graft. There’s plenty of...
Posted On 01 Mar 2017
, By GeneZorkin

Netizens Erupt Over ‘Softcore Space Porn’ Game

EDMONTON, Canada – When your stated mission is to “to create, deliver, and evolve the most emotionally engaging games in the world,” I guess you can’t afford to make offhand comments about one of your games becoming “totally softcore space porn.” (Because, you know, porn simply...
Posted On 28 Feb 2017
, By Ben Suroeste
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