By Abigail Cuthbert
Special to YNOT

NORRISTOWN, Pa. – I must admit, from the very beginning of the ongoing scandal, I’ve been somewhat torn by the saga of Pennsylvania Attorney General Kathleen Kane. On the one hand, Kane is a Democrat, which means I’d usually consider her to be just a few steps shy of Beelzebub on the scale of Universal Evil.

On the other hand, Kane is a democrat who lately has been out for the blood of men in state government who watched, shared and enjoyed pornography while on the job — one of the most pernicious sins under the sun and an activity most enthusiastically encouraged by Beelzebub.

Early on in the situation, I decided to set aside my politics and support the greater good — and make no mistake, by “greater good” I mean terminating all of Pennsylvania’s elected porn-watchers with extreme prejudice.

Unfortunately, the porn-addled men of the Pennsylvania government conspired to derail Kane’s campaign of righteousness, filing absurd charges of perjury and obstruction of justice. Not only that, but these morally bankrupt conspirators even had the gall to accuse Kane herself of engaging in a criminal conspiracy of her own.

When I call the charges ridiculous, I do not mean to say Kane isn’t technically “guilty” of the charges against her. I’m just saying it doesn’t matter if she violated the law of man in pursuit of higher justice — God’s justice — for the Pennsylvania Porn Cartel that has aligned against her.

The problem is, Judge Wendy Demchick-Alloy failed in her solemn duty to dismiss the charges against Kane and instead throw her judicial weight behind the effort by Philadelphia councilwomen to have Kane’s porn-loving nemeses systematically murdered by a robot from the future.

Yes, presented with the opportunity to strike a blow for God’s justice and to support women and families in Pennsylvania, this judge has decided to arbitrarily adhere to “the law,” as though she’s bound by statute, precedent and professional oath to do so, or something.

Even if it’s true a judge “has to” follow the laws of man or face possible removal from the bench, any judge who doesn’t value God’s law over human law should be forced to explain why witnesses in their court swear their oaths on a Bible — except, of course, for witnesses who are Godless (whose oaths can’t be trusted anyway, obviously) and those who follow false gods, like Zeus or Thor or Ba’al or Richard Dawkins.

Naturally, the politicians, judges and IT personnel who conspired against Kane have quickly seized upon her conviction to attack her in the press yet again. Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Wolf referred to her conviction as “unbecoming of the Commonwealth’s top law enforcement officer” and called for Kane’s immediate resignation.

“As I have made clear, I do not believe Kathleen Kane should be Attorney General of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania,” Wolf said in a statement issued the day Kane’s conviction was handed down. “I believed this when she was charged, and today, after conviction, there should be no question that she should resign immediately.”

First off, why anyone would pay attention to the rambling recommendations of a man who wrote a book called The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test is entirely beyond my comprehension. Second, the governor thinks being convicted of perjury is unbecoming, but he doesn’t mind judges and prosecutors forwarding around emails full of hardcore pornography and offensive humor?

Clearly, Gov. Wolf has been drinking some of that “Kool-Aid” made by his old pal Ken Kesey.

Sadly, it appears Kane has bowed to the pressure, announcing her resignation in a short statement issued less than a day after the verdict was rendered.

“I have been honored to serve the people of Pennsylvania, and I wish them health and safety in all their days,” Kane said in the statement.

Personally, I would have added: “And I hope all those sick Pennsylvania perverts who aligned against me and against the truth go on to die in a fire. Ideally, it will be a fire that results from a lightning bolt of retribution flung from the heavens by the One True God, who hates pornography and those who watch it even more than I do.”

Abigail Cuthbert is the president and co-founder of the Ray City, Georgia, chapter of the Free Righteous United Intelligent Trustworthy Caring Americans Killing Exploitation (FRUITCAKE), the anti-porn organization formerly known as the National Unitarian Temple for Justice Optimism and Brotherhood (NUTJOB).