‘Twas the Night before Christmas and all through the biz
Creators were shooting and tweeting about jizz
Porn studs hung like horses with inches to spare
Hoping they’d soon get sucked off down there
The cam girls were nestled all snug in their beds
Fiddling with webcams to fit in their heads
MILFS seducing pool boys and pizza guys
Or crushing submissives ‘tween their strong thighs
When out on the lawn arose such a clatter
The PA had just dropped a catering platter!
Away to the keyboard I flew like flash
To bang out a post about a fine piece of ass
The moon on the breasts of a girl, last name Snow
And a desperate housewife eager to blow
When what to my wandering eyes did appear
But a miniature Cooper packed up with beer
A fine bartender with hands oh so quick
I knew in a moment it must be Saint Dick!
More rapid than eagles his customers came
As the beers he dispensed, calling them by name
“Now Miller, now Heineken, now Bud Light and Stella
On Corona, on Coors, on Michelob and Modelo!”
To the back of the couch, to the top of the bed
Drink away, drink away, drink away and give head
As landscapers with gas-powered blowers let fly
Then, met by seductresses, cuckhold some guy
So upstairs to the bedroom the suitors did go
To pull hair and slap ass and call partners hoes
And then while tinkling I heard on the roof
A casting call for the next porn movie spoof
As I zipped up my pants and was turning around
Downstairs rolled a slave, with feet tightly bound
Dressed all in leather from his head to his feet
With welts all over from a beating complete
A bundle of sex toys slung ‘cross his back
Tail trailing from butt plug with which he’d been packed
His eyes how they watered, his bruises so scary!
His cheeks like roses, or perhaps strawberries.
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a sash
And the beard on his chin smelled just like ass
The ball of a gag he held tight in his mouth
Forgotten his safe word, his memory gone south
His jaw was chiseled, he’d a six-pack of abs
That shook like jello when I offered a dab
He was hard and cut, this handsome young elf
But when I laughed, he said “Go fuck yourself!”
A wink of his butthole and a twist of his head
Soon gave me reason to wish I had fled
He spoke not a word, but got back to work
Pleasing his master with a suck and a jerk
Then laying a finger aside of his nose
Said “make yourself useful and score me some blow”
He stumbled to his car and let out a sigh
Then drove away, one drained Christmas guy
But I heard him exclaim as he rolled out of sight
Merry Christmas to all… now, who’s got a light?
Santa photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels
