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In a move designed to help inconsolable consumers, the organization Help Find Our Missing Children will be featuring adult site Terms & Conditions on milk cartons and direct mailings during the next two weeks.What do YOU think about this Editorial? Add YOUR comments at the end!

In a move designed to help inconsolable consumers, the organization Help Find Our Missing Children will be featuring adult site Terms & Conditions on milk cartons and direct mailings during the next two weeks.

The unprecedented nationwide distribution was prompted by tearful pleas from thousands of horny, impoverished website visitors.

“I know they’re out there somewhere,” sniffled Johnson Strokalot of Bangermom, TN. “When I joined, I thought, surely I’ll see ’em soon. But I waited, and I waited. They never showed.” Johnson waited nearly two months for his missing Terms and Conditions. The wait cost him nearly $425.00.

Consumer rights activist Honkee Spendabuck knew Mr. Strokalot’s case all too well. “Consumers need Terms & Conditions. They need to be reunited with their rights. They need to know that as they grow monthly with their memberships to hardcore teen sites that feature barely-18, sloppy-wet-cheerleader sluts, that their Terms and Conditions will be there to share the precious moments with them. Especially for those momentous occasions when their credit card statements come.”

Honkee suffered tremendous loss in June of 1\’\’8 when he joined three different sites. Each one failed to state anything about his simultaneous “complimentary” subscription to 17 European porn sites, each processing with 7th party, off-shore multinational banks.

“Sheeeit PIMP DAWG!” shouted Duke Boy, CEO, customer service representative, and graphic designer for Cumalicious-Amputee-Sluts.net. “My terms and conditions are UP FRONT and ALL OVER THIS BIATCH! All you gotz to do is download my plug-in viewer, then visit 16 of my HOE LOVIN’ SUB PAGEZ, then it’s RIGHT THERE, muthafucka!” After scrutiny, only one out of five thousand visitors could locate, enlarge, and then translate Duke Boy’s Terms and Conditions from Chinese.

Long-time Seattle-based adult CEO Savage Warpinski shared his thoughts on the Missing T&C campaign, “It’s totally ridiculous. Take our terms and conditions, for example. Doesn’t it say right there, in plain English, ‘You will be repeatedly and mysteriously billed with no way to cancel?’ Hey pal, if you join, you agreed to that statement! Surely the FBI would agree with me. Guys?”

E. Normus Koch, representative from the FTC concerning Internet-related commerce expressed confidence that the Terms & Conditions would find their way home soon. Adjusting his belt buckle and cracking his scarred knuckles, Mr. Koch smiled, “America loves hot porno, and we love to see well-informed consumers. It’d be a shame if we had to go searching for those Terms & Conditions, wouldn’t it?”

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