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YNOT WTF: Sometimes even serious people need a good laugh.

Playboy Goes Non-Nude, Starts Porn Trend

Posted On 13 Oct 2015
By : Ben Suroeste

AssHandsCHICAGO – With the media world still puzzling over Playboy’s decision to drop full nudity, some trend-watching pornographers already have followed the lead of the legendary publication, considerably toning down their productions in pursuit of a new, “cleaner” brand identities.

“It seemed kind of crazy at first, but the more we debated it, the more it made sense to put clothes on all the prodigious posteriors we feature,” said Luther Undross, publisher of Big Black Badonkadonk magazine. “While I’m sure some of our readers will be disappointed, I think most will soon realize it’s just as sexy to see a woman’s ample behind straining the fabric of her tight jeans as it is to see the same ass in an entirely disrobed state.”

Undross said one major advantage of his magazine’s new approach is it “frees us from certain production considerations that serve to introduce added cost and greater logistical complexities.”

“In the old days, we had to find six different models for each issue, because every ebony rear end is different and unique, like a bulbous brown snowflake,” Undross said. “Now, we can just show the same fat butt dressed up in several different outfits, from business-casual slacks to strip club booty shorts. This is going to save us a great deal of money and aggravation.”

So, once fully ensconced in clothes, given the magazine often doesn’t show the faces of its models, how will BBB readers even know the ass they’re masturbating to is connected to an African-American woman?

“We have a proven track record over 20 years of integrity and fierce dedication to the Afro-Ass-Appreciator community,” Undross said. “Our subscribers and collectors know I would never, ever, slap a pair of PZI boot-cut jeans on some middleclass white girl who just happens to have a great big butt and ask her to try to ‘reverse-pass’ within our pages.”

Other pornographers who are jumping on board the non-nude bandwagon must confront similar issues of consumer trust and perception — some more significant than others.

“Up to now, there really hasn’t been any question as to whether the titular females in the Ass-Rammed Redheads series were really having anything rammed up their asses,” said Clay Falloos, Chief Executive Officer for Riddle of the Sphinxter Entertainment. “Not showing close-ups of anal penetration could introduce some ambiguity there, even if the viewer is still seeing the performer bite her lower lip and cringe with each thrust of an unseen object into her fully obscured anus.”

Given the difficulty of depicting anal sex in a way that is both compelling and non-explicit, Falloos said his studio has instead “opted for the full paradigm shift, a whole new direction for our movies and photo shoots.”

“From here forward, instead of watching randy redheads getting reamed up the ass by massive, throbbing cocks, our viewers will be treated to the visual spectacle of our gorgeous gingers reading the world’s great novels, doing complex mathematics, or learning to play Bach on the piano,” Falloos said. “Make no mistake, they will still be getting ‘rammed,’ but now they will be getting rammed with knowledge.”

Some skeptical market analysts aren’t so sure the licensing-driven business model being explored by Playboy will work for others in the porn industry, especially those whose brand is already strongly associated with “extreme” hardcore pornography.

“The silliest thing I’ve seen so far was a non-explicit interracial gangbang with six white guys and one Latina,” said adult industry market analyst Ricardo Enelpudo. “Instead of fucking her and then cumming all over her face like in a proper gangbang, they just sort of stand there watching her make tortillas while taking turns calling her names and pulling her hair.”

Enelpudo said while the video is “racist as a neo-Nazi from South Carolina,” there’s an even bigger issue with it from a pornographic perspective.

“It’s just completely un-strokable,” said Enelpudo. “I mean, maybe there’s a couple dozen freaks hanging around on PronVids4Sale who consider watching racially insensitive cooking shows to be seriously hot stuff, but I think the bulk of the gangbang market likes their gangbang subjects to look and behave like whores, not like some poor man’s Martha Stewart.”

About the Author
Ben Suroeste only reports "hard news" -- which is to say "news" that is "hard" to find anywhere else, mostly because he made it all up. He still doesn't have that fifty bucks he owes you, but he's working on it, OK?
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