KUWAIT CITY – When it comes to mistakes one can make while piloting an airplane, inviting an ex-porn star to sit in your lap during flight so you can make feeble, ineffective passes at her is one of the less obvious possibilities – but evidently, it’s one which occurred to an unnamed Kuwait Airlines pilot a couple years back, and one which is threatening to land him in hot water all these months later.

According to Chloe Khan, better known under her stage name “Chloe Mafia,” she and a friend were approached by Kuwait Airlines flight attendants about 30 minutes after takeoff on a flight from London’s Heathrow airport to JFK in New York City to invite the pair to make a visit to the cockpit.

“The seatbelt signs had just gone off and a stewardess came and said the pilot wanted us to go to the cockpit,” Khan told the Daily Star. “They locked the door and the captain introduced himself and said ‘Hi, I’m the naughty pilot.’”

According to Khan, the pilot said he routinely lets “sexy girls” into the cockpit, despite knowing it’s very much against airline policy. The pilot wasn’t concerned about such details, he told Khan, because he “made the rules.”

Someone evidently forgot to slip the memo about the naughty pilot being the one who gets to dictate in-flight security policy to the head honchos over at Kuwait Airlines, however, because reportedly the pilot has been recalled to Kuwait City from Bangkok, where he was on Sunday when word of the incident finally made its way to his superiors.

“I have ordered the prompt probe to check the reports and the pictures that have been circulated on this issue,” said Kuwaiti communications minister Isa Al Kindari. “If the reports and pictures are proven true, we will take action against the people involved and we will announce the conclusions to the people of Kuwait.”

Possibly more troublesome than merely letting the women visit the cockpit, the as-yet unidentified ‘naughty pilot’ also took the occasion to flaunt several other airline rules and policies.

“The pilot told the stewardess to get us a bottle of champagne, which me and my friend drank,” Khan said. “He started smoking, which I thought was odd, but he said he was the pilot and could do what he wanted. I asked if it was safe as I was worried and he just said people were ‘too fussy’ about safety. I was stunned.”

Thankfully, Khan said the pilot himself did not indulge in the champagne – but he did chain-smoke his way across the Atlantic, reportedly burning through two full packs over the course of the flight. Making matters far worse for Khan and her companion, along the way, the randy airman also subjected the women to his renditions of “Hakuna Matata” from The Lion King and “Un-Break My Heart” by Toni Braxton and boasted of his sexual conquests with various flight attendants.

It wasn’t all bad for Khan and her friend, though; if nothing else, it was an educational experience.

“He was showing us what each of the buttons did and said we could sit on his knee and wear his pilot’s cap and fly the plane,” Khan said.

If the idea of a porn star operating your transatlantic flight gives you pause, don’t fret; their actions were all supervised and endorsed by a pilot whose outstanding, impeccable judgment was manifest in the fact the women were present in the cockpit in the first place.

“I pushed something,” Khan said. “I don’t know what it did but he said it was fine as the plane flew itself.”

Most of the pilot’s attention was focused exactly where you’d expect it to be: On the task of getting inside Khan’s pants, or failing that, the pants of her travelling companion.

“He asked if we were in the ‘Mile High Club’ and said that he was,” Khan said. “He was boasting he’d slept with half the stewardesses, which we thought was funny as he wasn’t attractive.”

Ahh, my dear Chloe, you’re missing the point! What makes the ‘Naughty Pilot’ alluring is not his physical attractiveness, but the power and authority which naturally attenuates in the personage of the random assholes who are given the responsibility of ferrying the rest of us through the sky at extremely high speeds.

Even a man in such a lofty position as commercial airline pilot can’t always rely on the prestige of his position melting a woman’s heart though – hence the champagne.

“I wasn’t drinking much and when he asked why, I said I was recovering from a boob job,” Khan said. “He asked if he could see them but they were bandaged up so I said no.”

While Khan seems to have interpreted the pilot’s desire to see her breasts as a purely sexual interest, maybe it’s possible he was just concerned for her well-being and wanted to assure everything was healing up properly?

“He was a total sleaze,” Khan said. “He was calling us sexy and asked us to call him naughty. You could tell he was getting off on it.”

Hmmm. OK, maybe we can rule out the medical concern theory, after all.

On the bright side, at least one person in the cockpit managed to retain some semblance of professionalism: The not-as-naughty co-pilot.

“The co-pilot didn’t smoke or really say that much,” Khan said. “He made a couple of jokes, but thankfully he seemed more concerned with flying the plane.”

Either that, or the co-pilot’s just more into dudes. I guess we won’t find out for sure until the next time Darius Ferdynand crosses the pond.