NEW YORK (OR MAYBE SAN FRANCISCO?) — Ben Suroeste, the adult industry’s premier fake journalist, multiple award-winning Sandwich Artist and certified Lack-of-Life Coach, may or may not be virtually signing his eponymous line of BS NFTs at “a big, fancy bookstore in New York, or maybe a small, hipster bookstore in the Bay Area, or perhaps some seedy casino a few blocks off Fremont, sometime next week, or possibly as late as mid-October,” the veteran yarn-spinner announced today.
“I’m really looking forward to whatever it is that I’ve just announced,” Suroeste said. “It’s going to be super interesting, or maybe a ton of fun, or possibly slightly alarming. Those elements are all TBD, as well. In any case, it will be innovative, groundbreaking and – God willing – mostly lawful.”
Suroeste added that if this initial event in New York, or San Francisco, or possibly Las Vegas proves to be successful, he’s considering embarking on a “global tour” of some sort, but only if he can “afford a proper laser light show.”
“Look, nobody is going to show up at a bookstore, or casino, or deli, or whatever other kind of venue I might book, just to watch some guy digitally affix his signature to something,” Suroeste said. “You’ve got to have hot dog vendors, acrobats wearing pink spandex, lots of red, green and blue laser lights, an open bar, some freaky-looking guy hanging from the ceiling by his scrotum – you know, everything you normally associate with a book tour. Except instead of signing some boring old book, I’ll be signing whatever an NFT is.”
Asked what first got him interested in making, selling and possibly somehow ‘signing’ NFTs, Suroeste said “I know a hot trend when I see one – and I know how to set one.”
“For example, I scoff at people still driving around in their quaint little electric cars and hybrids, thinking they’re doing something so great for the environment, because I long ago wisely transitioned to driving a clean coal-powered backhoe as my primary mode of transportation,” Suroeste said. “Take my word for it: Within the next two years, everyone is going to be driving coal-powered backhoes. What these babies lack in acceleration, they more than make up for in their ability to brush aside other vehicles while navigating heavy traffic.”
Suroeste said once his current line of NFTs has sold out, rather than simply make more NFTs he’ll be “looking ahead to the next big acronym.”
“What’s next after NFTs? That’s what I want to know,” Suroeste said. “Do we move forward and start making OGUs? Will we go the other direction and explore the universe of MESs? For that matter, is ‘MES’ a problematic acronym, particularly when it comes to rendering it in plural form? The march of technology always raises tricky questions like these – and they’re certainly not NBD.”
Suroeste said further details regarding the location, date and time of his pending NFT signing will be made available once he “figure(s) out all that shit.”
NFT image by Markus Winkler from Pexels
