LAS VEGAS – In an alarming turn of events bound to undermine the already low value of adult entertainment-related news articles, researchers have observed a migration of comment spam up from comment sections and into the news articles themselves.
“I can’t believe Anne is earning over $6,000 a week working from home,” said Richard Astley, a leading expert on the subject of internet-based hoaxes and cyber-misinformation. “Without ever leaving home, she’s saving enough to put her kids through college. Click here for more information about this exciting work-from-home entrepreneurial opportunity.”
Astley said while he’s observed the problem in non-porn stories, as well, the lax security protocols and inattentive management of many adult news sites and forums makes the problem all the more visible within the adult sector.
“You just have to learn this incredible trick which is saving consumers in your area thousands per year on their car insurance,” Astley said. “It’s the money-saving technique the government doesn’t want you to know.”
In addition to comment spam finding its way into the body of news articles, Astley said he’s seen a lot of material that appears to be consistent with the “sponsored story” blocks that appear beneath legitimate news articles on many sites.
“A Las Vegas mom has invented a new weight-loss technique that has the experts scrambling to explain it,” Astley said. “Scientists are shocked and can’t explain it, but it works. Click here to learn more.”
According to Astley, when people encounter comment spam in the form of a quote, they often don’t notice it’s entirely irrelevant to the subject of the article, glossing right over the disconnection as though it’s not there.
“Drivers are shocked to learn about this new rule,” Astley said, adding, “Here are 10 effective ways to de-clutter your home.”
In some cases, Astley said it’s pretty clear the spam is equipped with some measure of contextualization, as a variety of currently-popular search terms and key words appear randomly inserted in the irrelevant quotes and claims, sometimes paired with links masquerading as news items but which are pretty clearly advertisements of some kind.
“Donald Trump’s brilliant advice for paying off your mortgage,” Astley said. “This is information dermatologists don’t want you to know. Click here and never buy skin cream again.”
While Astley believes the cause of the comment spam leakage is likely to be an exploit or virus of some kind, other observers were quick to dismiss his concerns.
“How to pay off your credit cards years earlier,” said Dr. Shem Foogahsie, director of information systems for the Klickbeht Institute of Technology. “A powerful two-step method.”
If there’s one thing on which Astley and Foogahsie agree, however, it’s that comment spam is a growing problem that isn’t likely to be resolved without governmental intervention.
“Brand new glasses you can’t live without this winter,” Astley said. “Top most powerful armies in the world by rank.”
Foogahsie concurred, adding it’s going to be increasingly difficult for readers and editors alike to tell the difference between promotional material and legitimate news content.
“These World War II facts will leave you speechless,” Foogahsie said. “DOW to drop 80% in 2016; invest in gold and silver now.”
Another mystery is what any of this has to do with pornography, be it online porn or traditional hard-media porn purchased in brick-and-mortar stores or via mail-order catalogs. Ultimately, it might not matter, according to Astley, because if the trend continues, soon there will be no way to access legitimate information — or legitimate porn — due to the omnipresence of comment spam.
“Learning from Obama,” Astley said, ominously. “40 stars who vanished without a trace from Hollywood and 9 beautiful animals you never knew were real.”
We can only hope he’s right.
