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//YNOT WTF!

There’s No Debate: Science Says Porn is Bad

By Dr. Ted D. Amore Special to YNOT SNELLVILLE, Ga. – Despite overwhelming scientific evidence that porn is responsible for 88.734 percent of all divorces and the proximate cause of a massive increase in sexual assaults across the country (an increase I could prove with published...
Posted On 11 Aug 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

The U.S. Needs a Porn-Detecting Machine

By Prudence Beecher Special to YNOT KAMPALA, Uganda – Nothing gets me angrier than hearing people say combatting the spread of pornography shouldn’t be the highest priority for the American government. Sure, what could possibly be at stake when it comes to ignoring the scourge of...
Posted On 10 Aug 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Swimming Champ Goes Nuts Over Dick Pic

RIO DE JANEIRO – In response to his porn star ex-lover posting a picture alleged to be his penis, U.S. Swim Team member Tommy Spitzmuller Jr. has posted a photo of a bowl of mixed nuts, including almonds, peanuts, cashews and walnuts, to various accounts he maintains on several...
Posted On 08 Aug 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

How to Beat Porn Addiction: Kill Helpless Creatures

By Russell Nolte Special to YNOT MALIBU, Calif. – As you know if you’ve read my past columns here, I’ve been struggling with porn addiction for quite some time. Along the way, I’ve tried just about everything to quit porn, from checking into an expensive rehab center, to ordering...
Posted On 05 Aug 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Show ‘Pretty Sure’ New Venue Will Work Out

CAPLEN, Texas – It has been a rough couple years for Reggie Cheney, chief executive officer for Adult E-Vents Ltd., and his company’s flagship event. The twice-rebranded Pinedale Forum, which Cheney recently renamed the Adult & PoRRRno FoRRRum (“ARF”), finds itself once again...
Posted On 04 Aug 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Silly WIRED: Porn has No Competition

By Pornography Special to YNOT LOS ANGELES – Contrary to what you might have heard, it’s not easy being Pornography. Despite the thousands, even millions, of words written about my scandalous ways each year, most people still don’t know much about me. Somehow, this is true even...
Posted On 03 Aug 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Trump Pledges 4th Wife Will Not Be Porn Star

WASHINGTON – On the heels of signing a pledge to aggressively enforce U.S. obscenity laws if elected president, Republican nominee Donald Trump reportedly has signed a supplemental vow averring his future fourth wife will not be a hardcore porn star. “This new promise is an...
Posted On 02 Aug 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

I May Be a Drunk, but at Least I Don’t Watch Porn

By Pastor Tyler Gallant Special to YNOT ANDERSON, S.C. – Hello Christendom, I hope you’ve all had an awesome weekend, filled with faith, family and fun. I write to you with a heavy heart this morning, however, because effective immediately, I will no longer be the senior pastor...
Posted On 01 Aug 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Warning: Porn Causes Smartphones to Explode

By Dewey Truman Special to YNOT NEW YORK – According to a report from some website I’m sure knows what it’s talking about, the harm done by pornography amounts to much more than causing erectile dysfunction, breaking up marriages and turning its male viewers into pitiless,...
Posted On 29 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Churchgoers More or Less Likely to Watch Porn

CALGARY, Canada – According to a new study published in the Journal of Adolescence and a separate survey conducted by a faith-based polling group, people who regularly attend church are more or less likely to watch porn. Researchers from the University of Calgary found...
Posted On 28 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste
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