AGRA, India – As anybody who frequents the Huffington Post can attest, you can’t always believe what you read, especially when it comes to a controversial public figure like Donald Trump.
For instance, there’s a story making the rounds this week claiming Trump once moved a major landmark all the way from India to Atlantic City, New Jersey, and then built a casino inside of it, all in furtherance of hosting a hardcore porn convention at the venue.
“The eXXXotica Expo occurred at the Trump Taj Mahal Casino & Resort in both April 2014 and April 2013,” according to Eric Owens, someone identified as the “education editor” at DailyCaller.com.
Well, standing here in Agra, I can tell you without a scintilla of a doubt the Taj Mahal is very much still here — and the next time someone hosts a hardcore porn convention inside it will be the first time anyone has done so.
“We never, never sell this place, this jewel of India, pride of a nation, to some man who makes crazy-person talk of forcing Mexicans to pay for building a wall out of Muslims and has orange skin on his face which matches not the skin of his forearm,” said Monmohan Dwivedi, one of the historic site’s primary caretakers.
“Not even for all the daughters of all the wives of this man Trump would we sell this place to become some New Jersey casino, probably with filthy strippers working as dealers of blackjack,” Dwivedi added. “Maybe if it was prime Las Vegas Strip location intended we could talk, but New Jersey? No. Never.”
So much for Mr. Owens’s “education” on this subject, eh?
eXXXotica owner K. Palmsy said while his organization has indeed held conventions inside an Atlantic City casino previously owned by Trump, “we didn’t see any indication there had ever been any dead wives of 17th century emperors in there.”
“Honestly, the venue is really quite tacky,” Palmsy added. “I’d be pretty surprised to find out any member of the Shah Jahan family had ever set foot inside the place, even in a deceased state. I mean, he might have been a ruthless dictator in many ways, but even his biggest detractors would have to concede the man had good taste in architecture.”
Curiously, when asked about the Taj Mahal/eXXXotica controversy, Trump spokesperson Katherina Bierson insisted the entire thing was merely “a misunderstanding,” and the fault of a “bad earpiece” the candidate used during a live interview on CNN.
“Mr. Trump couldn’t hear well through the earpiece, so he thought the host was asking him questions about David Duchovny,” Bierson said. “He simply didn’t want to alienate X-Files fans by denouncing Duchovny until he had confirmed the actor was indeed a white supremacist, as CNN suggested. Now that we know he is, yes absolutely, we strongly and unequivocally condemn and renounce the support of Duchovny and the rest of that entire racist cast.”
When asked if Trump still owned a share of the famous Indian mausoleum, Bierson said she believed the tycoon had disassociated himself from the Taj following a bankruptcy proceeding in 2009, but locals in Agra said the site has never been in financial trouble.
“Maybe it fall down soon, or maybe not, but never has the Taj Mahal been financially destitute,” Dwivedi said. “Besides, if true there’s ever been casinos inside there, we would have stacks of money higher than the Burj Khalifa, because only a very stupid and incompetent person can fail at running a casino. Such places basically print their own money, because so many of you English are dumb and don’t read the daily NBA injury reports and would not know a favorable point spread if one walked up and bit you on your rotten, infidel posterior.”
Matthew Braggs, director of communications for the Bernie Sanders presidential campaign, said the reports about Trump’s connection to eXXXotica “underline another crucial difference between the candidates.”
“Rest assured, when Bernie hosts a porn convention, he’s not going to do it in some gaudy symbol of opulence, a place virtually synonymous with the 1 percent,” Braggs said. “He will choose a place that’s more humble, more unifying and far more affordable to all who wish to come and express themselves sexually, like a Motel 6 or a Waffle House.”
