Cyberspace – We’re back! xHamster is back in action! And we are hitting it off with a bang, a big bang. We’ve casted the Donald Trump of Porn and now they are ready for a great time.
– “Saturday Night Live casts Trump, so why shouldn’t we”, says xHamster
– They have casted on mystery actor to be revealed as The Donald Trump of Porn
– “They might be small gloves to fill, but otherwise I’m excited to be considered to fill the role,” said actor. “I’m looking forward to winning this one on the popular vote.”
– Alex Hawkins, spokesman for xHamster says “Political satire can come in many forms, and this is how xHamster is choosing to penetrate this medium,” said Hawkins. “For each president, Saturday Night Live casts a comedian to play the President, so why not xHamster? Additionally, America has never had a television celebrity for President. We are not saying he directly asked for it – but he kind of did.”
– When asked, “What are your plans for the next 4 years?”
“Right now, our primary concern is engaging the right talent before Trump has the opportunity to put him in his cabinet. Normally, xHamster would say that our imagination is the only limitation – but we’re going to use Trump’s imagination because he has it in spades,” continued spokesperson for Hawkins. “We’re going to try and avoid the obvious clichés. It won’t be as trite as ‘The Oral Office,’ or ‘Hail to the Trump.’ xHamster will dig through his Twitter stream and be on the leading edge of presidential porn.”
– Porn parodies are becoming increasingly popular, but why?
“Frankly, Obama just didn’t give us the material we needed. But when Americans elected a guy who talked about grabbing women by the pussy, publicly stating on numerous occasions that he would like to fornicate with his own daughter, and a habit of assigning point values to women, Trump is absolute gold,” continued Hawkins, spokesperson for xHamster. “Let me restate: he pretty much asked us to do this.”
– When Hawkins was asked, is this a form of political dissent?
“xHamster is aware that we aren’t writing ‘Common Sense,’ or some revolutionary text, but it could serve as a kind of dissent. This is a guy who was on the cover of Playboy, and then in August, on the campaign, vowed to crack down on the adult industry. To paraphrase a former US Supreme Court Justice (speaking about porn): I cannot define hypocrisy, but I know it when I see it. Last time (I promise) he is begging us to do this.”
– The big question: Will there be a Hillary casted?
“Naw. That girl has been through enough.”
