CYBERSPACE March 17 – As the Lightspeed Olympics draws closer to reality, the trash talk has picked up steam. Yesterday on the YNOTBob HumpDay Lunch Show, a popular Internet-based radio show for adult Webmasters, host YNOTBob challenged two Lightspeed Olympics contestants to back up their frequent claims of athletic superiority and impending victory with a little wager.CYBERSPACE March 17 – As the Lightspeed Olympics draws closer to reality, the trash talk has picked up steam. Yesterday on the YNOTBob HumpDay Lunch Show, a popular Internet-based radio show for adult Webmasters, host YNOTBob challenged two Lightspeed Olympics contestants to back up their frequent claims of athletic superiority and impending victory with a little wager. What’s at stake? The loser of the “Inflatable Jousting” competition will suffer the shame of wearing only pink Speedos at the closing ceremonies of the Lightspeed Olympics – an embarassing sign of his defeat.
The Lightspeed Olympics will take place at this year’s Phoenix Forum gathering of adult Internet professionals, starting on April 1st and ending on the 3rd. The contest will include such challenging events as the Bungee Run, Inflatable Jousting, Mechanical Bull Riding, Dunk Tank (staffed by the Lightspeed girls), Sumo Wrestling, Rock Wall, Velcro Wall, and the popular Belly Flop Contest. It is the Inflatable Jousting competition, however, that started the public battle of words between Yankscash and Lightspeedcash. Will it be Rochard of Lightspeedcash, or Todd of Yankscash, who will suffer the ultimate humiliation and don the pink Speedos for the closing ceremonies party? Both appear extremely confident heading into the final few weeks of training.
Rochard, for his part, is quick to point out his previous training as a United States Marine, and claims that jousting was part of his combat training for four years. This, he feels, gives him the edge over Todd. “I have a vast amount of experience in jousting and am physically, mentally, and financially superior to him,” Rochard told YNOT News.
Todd Yanks, however, doesn’t appear intimidated by Rochard’s military credentials. “I think Rochard is very disillusioned about how the Lightspeed Olympics are going to play out, and especially overconfident in regards to our jousting match,” Todd explained. “The level of competitiveness and athleticism in the Yankscash organization is something this industry has never seen, and certainly something that Lightspeed cannot hang with. I have the utmost respect for Roy Webster Buss the Third’s (aka Rochard) esteemed military career, but honestly, it would take a platoon of Marines to stop what Yankscash is bringing to Phoenix.”
Of course athleticism might not be the only factor in declaring a winner in this battle between two industry giants. Rochard is quick to point out that he won’t hesitate to resort to nefarious techniques should they be required to both secure victory over Yankscash and saddle Todd with the shame of the pink Speedos. “Since this event is being held by Lightspeedcash, and cheating seems to be encouraged, it might be important to note that the crew running the event will be staffed by people chosen directly by me and under the employ of Lightspeedcash,” warns Rochard.
As for YNOTBob, the man who helped raise the stakes, he feels it will all come down to actions, not words, when the battle begins in Phoenix next month. “The sign of a true champion is not how much smack he can verbally throw down, but how quickly he can rise to a challenge,” said YNOTBob. “Not since the Canterbury Crusaders opening day has the Order of the Boar seen a jousting event of this magnitude. This match should be one for all ages! Not since England’s King Edward III put a ban on jousting in 1370 have we seen two opponents so ready for a bloody encounter.”
Yes, but sporting fans all over the adult industry want to know where they should place their money when betting on this high-profile match. Like many adult industry professionals, YNOTBob appears to be undecided. “On one hand you have Rochard, King of All Chick Drinks, who could possibly sugar-rush Todd in a surprise attack,” said YNOTBob. “And on the other hand you have YanksTodd, who is simply the bigger man as far as handling a large stick. High ideals and noble causes will be put to the test. A man’s true chivalry will be challenged. This should be an event for all ages, but regardless of who wins or loses, the true ‘size’ of the losing man will be known not by his actions in defeat, or his blade of wounds, but merely by the bulge in his tiny, pink Speedos.”
While the winner has yet to be determined, one thing is for certain – the trash talk isn’t likely to stop anytime soon. “In closing, please remind Todd that this is the Lightspeed Olympics,” added Rochard, “not the Yankscash Special Olympics.”
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