HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – Adult content creator Tiffani Time has made her way back to Kink.com for what her reps described as a “retro-themed scene in the Divine Bitches series” which casts her opposite Pierce Paris. The new scene, referencing a brainworm of an old hit song by Olivia Newton-John, is titled “Let’s Get Physical.”

At first, hearing that Tiffani opens the scene decked out in a neon yellow leotard, white tights, neon pink leggings, a multi-colored pastel fanny pack, a pink scrunchie and white tennis shoes, my assumption was that this scene would be dropping us into the middle of the 1980s aerobics craze – a time that brings back great memories for me, of my mom leaving home in the middle of the day to go to her aerobics class, leaving me free to smoke pot like a teenage version of a Grateful Dead parking lot barnacle and generally behave like the latchkey miscreant I was.

But the workout session Tiffani leads sounds like it’s… well, not much like my mom’s old aerobics classes, unless there’s a LOT she hasn’t told me about those classes.

When Pierce walks into Tiffani’s living room, he might as well be stepping out of whatever sort of Time Vortex it was that transported the Terminator. He has no idea what the fuck is going on, other than he apparently needs to do whatever Tiffani tells him to do – including doing squats and calf raises with a barbell hanging from his balls until he “begs for a break.”

Well, Pierce, you know what they say: “No pain, no gain.” But also, sometimes: “No pain, no trip to the urologist for a post-workout checkup, just in case.”

Things don’t get much easier for Pierce once the scrotum stretching portion of the workout is over, honestly. Next, he finds himself tied to the workout bench with a “massive dildo attached to a strap-on” shoved down his throat. I’m not sure what muscle group that targets, but it’s safe to say Pierce is working up a sweat.

Next, Tiffani “hits him hard with the paddle and readies his ass by stretching it with her fist.” All I can say is I’m glad Sam, the rather large fellow who ran the last gym where I had a membership that I actually used (which is to say four gym memberships ago), never decided that my sphincter was among the muscles that needed stretching before my workouts, as Sam’s fist was approximately the size of a basketball.

“After enduring the pain, it’s time for the pleasure,” the announcement adds, as Tiffani slides her strap-on inside Pierce and “fucks him hard and deep.” At last, it’s time for Tiffani to get off, too, so she “rides Pierce’s face and cock and rewards him with a handjob and lets him cum.”

See, Pierce? All you had to do was hang weights from your balls, take a strap-on down your throat and up your ass, and at the end, your cock got the same experience it could have had if you had stayed home and jerked off. Awesome, right? Oh I see; you can’t answer because you still have a dildo shoved down your throat.

“This scene is so cleverly titled after the Olivia Newton-John song, playing upon the fact that I was a trainer,” Tiffani said. “I gave Pierce quite the workout, and not the one he was expecting. I liked the extreme pain and pleasure element in this scene and really enjoyed working with Pierce and Kink again.”

No comment from Pierce in the release announcement, possibly because he’s at the urologist.

In any case, the announcement reports that Kink.com members give this scene high marks – and in this case, I don’t think that’s a reference to facial scarification. To find out if you dig it, too, head on over to Kink.com and check it out.