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YNOT WTF: Sometimes even serious people need a good laugh.

THIS Will Be the Year of Porn’s Big Comeback!

Posted On 20 Jan 2016
By : Ben Suroeste

ThumbsUpEditor’s note: This article is an updated version of a piece that originally ran in January 2014, and then again in January 2015.

LOS ANGELES – Attendees at the recent XJIZZ 420 Expo were nearly unanimous in one very optimistic opinion: 2014 2015 2016 will be the year of the porn industry’s big comeback, representing a major rebound from 2013 2014 2015.

“2013 2014 2015 was a huge year for us,” said Esteban Harsch, CEO of GARISH Entertainment and this year’s Visionary Legendary Epic Keynote Speaker at XJIZZ. “While we’re not quite back to our peak revenues, we did see major growth following a somewhat slow 2013 2014, and we’re looking forward to a simply amazing 2015 2016.”

Harsch said DVD sales, which he referred to as being “admittedly sluggish” “on life support” “effectively dead” now account for less than 9% 7% 5% of his company’s total revenues.

“I’m not at all interested in trying to create some sort of DVD rebound at this point,” Harsch said. “These days, we’re totally focused on live streaming the gamification model cable TV licensing as our prime area for growth, going forward.”

XJIZZ owner Alexis Helmanian concurred with Harsch, adding that in her opinion “the big hope for the future lies in the increased interactivity of live shows 3D porn virtual reality.”

“While several new technologies have come and gone without really having the positive impact on the industry people expected from them, there’s a level of extreme confidence surrounding mobile 3D VR we haven’t seen in years,” Helmanian said. “2014 2015 2016 is going to be very exciting.”

MondoMegaKris, an account representative for XXXMondoMegaMoneyCash, said he’s “not sure what everybody is complaining about,” and further asserted his program just saw its best quarterly results in nearly a decade.

“I know a lot of other programs have failed and there’s a lot of negativity out there about the affiliate-driven traffic market, but our sites have always converted like it’s 1998 2003 2009,” MondoMegaKris said. “Sure, we’ve downsized our staff a bit, but that decision was strictly an efficiency thing, not a reflection of a loss in revenue. Besides, I feel like 57 19 four full-time employees and three one very energetic intern is still a plenty big workforce in the context of this industry.”

Despite the optimism, many attendees still expressed growing concern rising anger outright murderous rage at the problems caused by porn surfers’ unfettered access to pirated content online.

“If I see anybody at this show from MindWin ManSafe BrainGunk, I swear to you I’m going to punch them right in the cock,” said Marvin Michaels, CEO of Digital Iniquities. “And once I’m done crushing their dick with my fist, I’m definitely retaining Ernest S. Hitter Tito Mendacio Francis Edgar Mostaccioli and suing their balls right off.”

Michaels conceded while he previously threatened to sue MindWin ManSafe BrainGunk at the 2013 2014 2015 XJIZZ show, this year he’s “serious as cancer hepatitis C gonorrhea” about his litigation threat.

Germane Mulligan, freelance journalist, adult industry analyst and host of the “Top O’ The Pornin’ To You” podcast said it’s the resolve shown by industry figures like Michaels that has him excited about the industry’s prospects for 2014 2015 2016.

“I think this is the year the industry stops taking piracy lying down,” Mulligan said. “Just last year, as we were at his big party watching the Ravens Seahawks Patriots win the Super Bowl, Marvin seemed a bit on the fence about whether filing suit against tube sites was a winning idea, but just a few weeks ago, as we celebrated the Seminoles Buckeyes Crimson Tide winning the NCAA championship, he told me he’d had enough, and this was the year he’d be pulling the trigger on the tubes.”

Not everyone in the industry is as sanguine about the prospects of 2014 2015 2016 being a banner year for porn, however.

“Honestly, I feel like people are saying pretty much the same things I’ve been hearing since 2011,” said Extraterrestrial Ed, an adult webmaster and graphic designer attending the XJIZZ show for the third fourth fifth straight year. “Every year, I hear porn is on the comeback trail, and every year I see less of a return on the traffic I send to affiliate programs, less graphic design work and less money coming in, in general.”

Still, Ed says he’s “an optimist at heart” and hopes this is the year the rosy projections offered by experts speaking at the Expo come to fruition — because if they don’t, 2014 2015 2016 could be his last year as an adult webmaster.

“If business doesn’t pick up by summer, I’m strongly considering going to law school,” Ed said. “I figure if I get started in the fall, by this time in 2018 2019 2020 I’ll have passed the bar exam and be on my way to a whole new career.”

 

About the Author
Ben Suroeste only reports "hard news" -- which is to say "news" that is "hard" to find anywhere else, mostly because he made it all up. He still doesn't have that fifty bucks he owes you, but he's working on it, OK?
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