CANBERRA, Australia – According to the National Health and Medical Research (NHMRC) Council in Australia, gay men are developing muscle dysmorphia in increasing numbers due to watching gay porn.

“The more you are exposed to pornography, the more likely you are to have eating disorder symptoms,” said Dr. Scott Griffiths of the NHMRC, adding that in Australia, abuse of steroids is now “ahead of methamphetamine and heroin and all the others.”

“It’s not like we’ve had a current explosion of athletes in the country,” Griffiths said, “we just have more and more men who are unhappy about their appearance, and a lot of those will have muscle dysmorphia.”

While I’m glad to hear Australian athletes are not exploding, which would be truly strange and alarming, I’m still concerned for the plight of Aussies who have decided they’re not sufficiently muscular as a consequence of watching gay porn.

The good news is, I have a simple solution for the Aussies: Watch other gay porn.

To help get them started, here are a few terms and phrases gay Aussies can Google which will lead them to porn that won’t make them feel so bad about their own bodies: “gay porn + chubby chasers,” “gay bears,” “gay porn + fat,” and of course, “Ben Suroeste + naked + gross + why why why + now I can’t un-see this.”

Now to be clear, I’m not a licensed physician, clinical therapist, or even a person who sincerely wants to help, but I still firmly believe I’m on to something here. Hell, even Dr. Griffiths says part of the problem is gay men opting to watch porn filled with buff porn pros instead of regular guys who spend less than seven hours a day in the gym and/or using exercise equipment endorsed by Chuck Norris.

“The strength of that relationship [between steroid abuse and porn watching] is stronger if you’re watching more professional than amateur pornography,” Griffiths said, adding that in the gay community, there’s more of a premium placed on appearance and “bodily standards.”

“In part, it might reflect that men more than women place a premium on attractiveness as an indicator of preference,” Griffiths said. “Attractiveness ranks relatively higher for men than it does for women.”

This explains quite a few things, including how it’s possible I’ve managed to find several different women who were willing to have sex with me in my lifetime. Granted, I found most of them when I was younger, thinner and less physically repulsive, in general. (Plus, back in the 90s, I’d swear even low-cost prostitutes were a lot less picky than they’ve become in recent years.)

I know straight porn isn’t their thing, but I also think Aussies could benefit from watching porn starring Ron Jeremy. Sure, they’ll be turned off by what they see, and Ron isn’t likely to be their type, but there’s a certain mesmerizing quality to watching his belly flop around while he works, which could confer some of the same benefits of hypnotherapy.

Then again, maybe watching fat guys fuck would only make Aussies want to go to the gym even more, in response to thoughts like “Fuck me, I don’t want to wind up looking like that fucking bogan.”

It’s not just Doc Griffiths who thinks gay men put a high premium on appearance, of course, and evidently, it’s not just an Australian thing –- at least according to “Paul,” an unidentified Aussie gym rat quoted in the same article.

“Anyone would know that a lot of the gay community here in Australia, and pretty much all over the world, is very aesthetic,” Paul said. “It’s all about body image, body type, what he looks like, muscles, all that sort of stuff. Part of me is trying to fit into that.”

Oddly, though, Paul said the porn that makes him feel ashamed of his body isn’t the professional stuff Griffiths cited. Instead, amateur gay porn made it hard for him to look at himself in the mirror and drove him to extensive steroid use.

“I went to that extreme of paying five to six hundred dollars for a four to five-week cycle and injecting myself, or getting my partner to inject me, to help gain mass and be who I wanted to be,” Paul said. “No matter how many times people say, ‘You look amazing, you look pumped,’ it’s still in my head that I’m that skinny person.”

He was spending $500 to $600 a week on steroids? Sounds to me like muscle dysmorphia is only part of Paul’s problem. Clearly, he also suffers from Excessive Disposable Income Syndrome.

The good news is, once he decided he was spending too much money on steroids, Paul found a new, more beneficial, expensive habit: going to therapy.

“My therapist digs deep and finds these issues that I need to deal with,” Paul said. “I found what has worked for me is to focus on me being happy personally and looking at my own reflection rather than getting that validation from the community, and that’s a big thing that’s taken me a long time to understand.”

What, your therapist didn’t suggest downloading and repeatedly watching Chubby Daddy? No offense Paul, but I’m not sure this therapist is a true professional.

Image © Theodor38