By Peter Berton
AUSTIN, Texas – Hollywood portrays sexual surrogate partners — trained professionals who provide sexual services to others for therapeutic and educational reasons — as sinners or saints, but rarely as therapists. Real life is different: Surrogate partners can play a profoundly positive role in the lives of the people with whom they work.
YNOT.com recently spoke with Anyssa, a 45-year-old surrogate who works with sex therapist Dr. Susan Kaye.
YNOT: What is the theory behind sexual surrogacy?
Anyssa: The theory is that we heal sexual issues more quickly through touch, in addition to talking the issues through with a talk therapist.
Surrogate partner therapy was developed by [William H.] Masters and [Virginia E.] Johnson in the 1960s to help clients who were engaged in sexual psychotherapy but did not have a spouse with whom they could practice what they learned. In close coordination with the talk therapist, we allow clients to grow through their sexual issues in real life with another human being.
Basically, I allow healing through real life role-play.
What motivated you to get into this line of work?
I believe the most serious problem facing humans is the shutting down of our sexuality, as individuals and as a society. I believe that if this problem vanished, our culture would improve in other areas as well, because we would be a more caring, energized, alive society.
I’ve been on a long path of self-exploration, and I am in abundance. It is a deep joy to have an opportunity to pass along a few tips.
What therapeutic strategies do you use?
I’m not sure what a therapeutic strategy is. [She laughs.]
My personal belief is that to heal [a person] allows that person to be whole. I provide space and support for the person to open to new pieces of themselves.
Some say touch is the sense most profoundly linked to memory. It is a powerful part of our life that is rarely discussed. Through touch, we can directly move and release blocks and patterns that are held in the body. Incredible openings occur.
In the end, our clients transform from dysfunctional or insecure to powerful and confident because, in the end, our clients have had more “training” in sexuality and intimacy than most.
What happens — and doesn’t happen — during a session?
What happens? We explore and see if we can dissolve the physical and energetic pieces of the client’s obstacles.
What doesn’t happen? We do not develop personal relationships with the client outside of our sessions. My role is to support my client in forming future relationships with other partners, not to become the future partner.
Who are your patients, and with what issues are you helping them?
Typical issues are things such as rapid ejaculation, late-life virginity, partial paralysis, lack of ability to become aroused and social anxiety to the point of not being able to date or form a relationship.
Sexual surrogacy has long been both romanticized and castigated in mainstream media. What is the reality of the job? How do you respond to people who say you’re just an escort by another name?
To people who say we are escorts, I say surrogate partners are a little different. The underlying theory, and therefore our practices, are related only to healing. We have specialized training, and we work in coordination with a licensed sex therapist.
The good is too good to describe with words. Watching a human open, melt, grow, move through the deepest obstacles before my very eyes … there is nothing like it.
The only bad I can identify is the lack of information about our work in society. I wish more people were aware of these options, and that our mainstream health system incorporated healing modalities like ours.
What results can you point to, in terms of patient outcomes?
I have a client who has been in a wheelchair for almost 30 years, and he had forgotten that his legs had any feeling at all, aside from pain. When he thought of his legs, he thought of pain.
After our first session, he reported feeling new sensations throughout his legs. He defined the sensations as pleasure. He is eager to see how much more of his body he may be able to feel, how many other parts he thought could not be awakened that can be awakened. His energy has radically changed, as well. His glow has gone up a couple of notches.
Is your work professionally and emotionally satisfying?
This work is satisfying beyond words. It is an honor to be able to serve in this way. I receive energy and inspiration every time I am privileged to witness an awakening. With each new opening, I feel our universe get just a little bit brighter.
Is this a life-long career for you?
Sexual education and healing — yes!
