LOS ANGELES – The inclusion of emergency management training information in a pornographic video was the result of a “tube site glitch,” according to the studio that produced the video in question.
According to viewers who watched the clip before it was taken down, what appeared to be a standard gonzo porn scene ending in an impressively voluminous facial cumshot took an abrupt, unexpected and disturbingly bureaucratic educational turn.
“There I was, still somewhat in a state of bliss after timing my ejaculation to match that of the male performer in the scene, when all of a sudden there’s some nerdy-looking government guy at a chalkboard prattling on about the importance of clear communication between different state agencies during a crisis situation,” CoozeHound69 wrote on the PornKhoikhoi.ngono user forum. “I don’t know about you, but right after I’ve cum all over my own stomach, the last thing I want to think about is the appropriate governmental response to a flood or hurricane. It was just totally inappropriate, not to mention completely unsexy.”
Although users said it appeared the training footage was part and parcel of the video — the third scene from Irritable Angel’s Big Wet Trapezoids 34 — representatives from the studio blamed the mishap on an “unfortunate but random circumstance” created by the PornKhoiKhoi.ngono streaming platform.
“This was not the result of a hack or a hijacking or anything like that,” said IA owner Colin H. Wallace. “It’s a simple matter of an emergency response training video being the next suggested video in the queue. This kind of thing happens all the time, I’m sure, just because of the sheer volume of governmental training videos uploaded to porn tube sites on a daily basis.”
Some PornKhoiKhoi users were skeptical of this explanation, noting they’ve never seen any government training videos on the tube site at all, much less appearing as suggested videos following a handjob- and facial-themed porn clip.
“Every other handjob vid I’ve watched yields a suggestion of another handjob video,” posted a user with the screen name BridgegateChris62. “The closest thing I’ve seen to state agency emergency training or governmental information of any kind was a BDSM video in which the slave started out dressed like a mailman before being stripped naked, tied to a pole and beaten with a rolled up stack of Republican candidates’ campaign mailers.”
Steven Shah, director of operations for PornKhoiKhoi, said while the company prohibits users from uploading videos that aren’t pornographic, including government training videos, it’s “not completely, incontrovertibly impossible” Wallace’s explanation of the incident is accurate.
“While our own review of the situation yielded no evidence to support the notion our system recommended an emergency training video as a follow up to a wet and messy handjob and facial clip, I don’t want to be a complete dick by coming out and calling Colin a fat fucking liar, so I’m not going to do that,” Shah said. “But, if you’re asking me for my personal opinion — totally separate from the professional niceties I’m expected and required to extend whenever I’m representing the PornKhoiKhoi brand — then yes, Colin’s explanation makes about as much sense as the bullshit ending to The Village.”
Alexis Kansas, the female performer who delivered the handjob depicted in the scene, said if there was any emergency response training going on during the filming of the scene, “it must have been pretty damn subtle.”
“Granted, I really get into it when I’m performing, so it’s possible I didn’t notice a guy operating an overhead projector and going over slides filled with bullet points about information-sharing, emergency protocols and inter-agency cooperation,” Kansas said. “But I’m not generally completely oblivious to my surroundings, so I like to think I would at least have noticed the audience full of bureaucrats taking notes and asking questions about the difference between Category 4 and Category 5 hurricanes.”
