MONTREAL – Tube site SmutNucleus announced today the site has received 847 nominations for the 2016 XJIZZ Awards, shattering the previous record of 762 nominations garnered by adult studio Irritable Angel in 2012.
“Although we believe them to be a largely irrelevant remnant of a rapidly dying age, SmutNucleus feels obligated to say we’re honored and excited to be nominated for all these awards, whatever they might be,” said Nicklaus Nosferatu, director of public relations for MindGunk, the parent company of SmutNucleus. “If we happen to be in town for the award show itself, we’ll be sure to send one of our account representatives to have his picture taken with the statues before having them properly recycled.”
In addition to nominations for Adult Site of the Year, Free Adult Site of the Year, Viewers’ Choice Adult Site of the Year and Pirated Content Depot of the Year, SmutNucleus also received nods for Best Use of Uncorroborated Stats in a Mass Media Marketing Campaign, Most Ironic Lawsuit and Best Indictment of a Former Senior Executive.
Following the announcement, members of the adult industry who disapprove of BrainGunk’s history and business model were quick to criticize XJIZZ for the unprecedented number of nominations bestowed upon SmutNucleus.
In a post entitled “WTF XJIZZ?!?!” irascible adult industry blogger Michael Southampton took XJIZZ owner Alexis Helmanian to task over the recognition of what Southampton called a “missive crimanull entryprize.”
“Seriasly, how dum can Helmanian be?” Southampton wrote. “The last thing we need as a inderstie is to be praysing scumbags liek BrainGunk. Instead of chowdering these asswholes with arparsheeashun, XJIZZ should be reeporting on how they steel form eberyvody all the thyme. I say FUKC BurnGank and the whorse they road on in!”
Others were more forgiving, especially Tom Thanklessjaub, executive director of Adult Sites for Better Publicity and Child Protection (ASBPCP).
“I understand why some people in the industry have issues with BrainGunk but, frankly, they’re the only ones left who can still afford to cut checks to ASBPCP, so I think we should all give them as much slack as it takes for their philanthropic generosity to continue unabated,” Thanklessjaub said. “Also, it’s important to remember everybody is encouraged to please donate to ASBPCP, to the extent you’re able. It’s a great cause — and if you act now, we’ll send you a ‘SmutNucleus Cares’ T-shirt, absolutely free (while supplies last).”
Helmanian, meanwhile, denied showing any favoritism to BrainGunk, calling claims to the contrary a “completely baseless and irresponsible conspiracy theory.”
“As I’ve said again and again over the years, the XJIZZ Awards process is completely transparent,” Helmanian said. “By which I mean if you were to shine a flashlight into the ear of any member of our esteemed Consideration Board, anybody standing on the other side of the board member’s head would be able to see the beam of light, unimpeded by anything — except, perhaps, a few flecks of high-integrity earwax.”
While he said he shares Southampton’s disdain for BrainGunk, Digital Iniquities CEO Marvin Michaels said he doesn’t hold the high number of nominations received by SmutNucleus against XJIZZ or Helmanian personally.
“The sad fact is, no matter how much you and I might dislike SmutNucleus or tube sites in general, consumers love them and flock to them in droves,” Michaels said. “That’s why — despite the fact I hate SmutNucleus, its owners and absolutely everything they stand for, and wouldn’t even think about braking if I saw one of them crossing the street — I supply them with five new, uncensored, full-length scenes every week, even if I have to use footage from upcoming releases to fill the quota.”
“Don’t get me wrong,” Michaels added. “I still hold BrainGunk and SmutNucleus responsible for the calamitous decline in my company’s annual revenue, but that’s no reason not to hand over my best content on a consistent basis. It’s also no reason to boycott an awards show at which we’ve simultaneously been nominated for the prestigious and hotly contested award for Saddest Indication of the Adult Industry’s Current Direction.”
