CAPLEN, Texas – It has been a rough couple years for Reggie Cheney, chief executive officer for Adult E-Vents Ltd., and his company’s flagship event. The twice-rebranded Pinedale Forum, which Cheney recently renamed the Adult & PoRRRno FoRRRum (“ARF”), finds itself once again having to change locations on short notice.
First, Cheney was forced to abandon the event’s original location in Pinedale, Wyo., after the U.S. Forest Service found several thousand discarded fliers and prepaid adult site access cards littering the campgrounds where the 2015 edition of the forum took place.
Then, earlier this year, a series of unanticipated flash floods laid waste to Pandale, Texas, and the surrounding area, completely obliterating the open-air venue. The flooding happened just days before the Pandale Forum was expected to attract more than 65 exhibitors, 31 speakers and as many as 13 attendees — several of whom were believed not to be account representatives for webcam affiliate programs or employees of transaction processing companies.
“It’s been a rough road, no question, but the forum is back in a new form and it’s going to be bigger and better than ever,” Cheney said. “We’ve found a fantastic gentleman’s club here in Caplen where there won’t be any zoning issues or hassles with the local government, I’m pretty sure.”
Cheney conceded he has yet to promote the event locally, but he doesn’t anticipate running into the same sort of opposition ARF encountered in Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and Lubbock.
In explaining the difficulties he has encountered trying to find a venue in Texas for his event, Cheney described a litany of stumbling blocks both large and small.
“The problem in Dallas was just a little snafu with a few busybodies on the City Council,” Cheney said. “In Houston, the issue was a couple thousand bucks in unpaid parking tickets — which, ironically enough, I racked up by parking the ARF party bus outside a council meeting during which I was defending my event against accusations we’re involved in human trafficking and the manufacture of counterfeit Trump campaign hats. In San Antonio, they wouldn’t even let me park the bus. Finally, in Lubbock, we were met by a group of protesters carrying pitchforks and torches. I don’t need that kind of anxiety in my life — or pitchfork holes in my chest, for that matter — so we just moved on without stopping.”
Even after such an extensive search, it appears Cheney’s new choice of venue will not be without controversy, either. Permitted to operate in the area under a temporary judicial order pending the outcome of a lawsuit filed by Galveston County which aims to shutter the club, the Bolivar Boob Barn is not necessarily well-liked by members of the local community.
“It’s an eyesore and an affront to decency,” said George Perry, who keeps a 16-foot skiff anchored at the Lauderdale Boat Ramp. “We’ve complained to Parks and Senior Services about it, but they say they can’t close the club because of the First Amendment.”
Although he admits he’s “no Constitutional scholar,” Perry says he can’t imagine any interpretation of the First Amendment would apply to a business like the Bolivar.
“I don’t get it. The Boob Barn doesn’t publish a goldarn newspaper, for Christ’s sake. It’s just a freakin’ titty bar,” Perry said. “Since when are bare titties ‘speech?’ I know I don’t ever want to touch a talking titty, that’s for damn sure.”
In the pending legal action, the Boob Barn is represented by Galveston-based attorney Peter Bell, who said he “fully anticipates” the club “getting screwed,” despite being “entirely right on the merits.”
“What do you want? This is Texas we’re talking about here,” Bell said. “We’re going to give it our best shot and all, but bear in mind depending on how a local court interprets the relevant federal case law, I’m pretty sure there are still counties in this state where a woman can be hung for owning more than a couple goddamn vibrators.”
Cheney said he’s not worried about the outcome of the legal action between the county and the Boob Barn, because he believes the case will not be resolved before ARF kicks off later this month.
“The courts are so clogged in this state, they still haven’t managed to rule on all the overdue child support I owe my ex-wife from the ’90s,” Cheney said. “I might not have any faith left in my country’s legal system, but I’ll still bet my house on American bureaucratic inefficiency every time.”
