By Peter Berton
MATAWAN, NJ – Looking for someone to promote the status quo? Don’t even glance in Rich Woods’ direction. A no-holds-barred advocate for rational thinking about sex, religion and life in general, Woods takes his message to the masses via books, seminars and webcasts.
His books include UnLearn Vanilla Marriage, which rips the thin veneer from monogamy.
“Years ago, I attempted to adhere to ‘traditional’ thought regarding matrimony,” he wrote in a brief biographical sketch. “I found myself in a similar marital arrangement that many of my friends were in — which is to say, we were all miserable. Mercifully, my first wife and I ended it in time to be able to move on with our lives. Not one to repeat my mistakes, I rethought my approach to relationships and vowed that if I ever did marry again, things would be different.”
YNOT.com recently spoke with Woods about his iconoclastic philosophy.
How do you define yourself?
Rich Woods: I’m a writer first and foremost. But the psychological over-compensation for my 30-inch inseam resulted in a pathetic need for adulation from strangers. It has taken me into both media and performing seminars.
I co-host an internet TV show called UnLearn TV, which is a sociological satire. More than 500,000 people watch every week across our online affiliates.
I’m a horrible golfer, a NY Rangers fan, and I would also commit a major felony if Kate Beckinsale asked me to.
You did remarry, and now you describe yourself and your wife as outspoken swingers and atheists. What do you mean by that?
Well, describing why we are atheists is easy. We just don’t see any evidence for the existence of an omnipotent overseer. Nor do we have the desire to surrender our cognitive ability to think rationally in favor of conceding to a literal translation of fairy tales.
We don’t believe in any gods, because there is nothing in the acumen of our life’s experience that suggests there could be one. There are more than 2,600 gods, and most people don’t believe in 2,599 of them. [My wife and I] don’t believe in the Judeo-Islamic-Christian God, either.
“Swingers” is what the world calls couples who negotiate non-monogamy. My wife Jane and I travel the country and meet new and interesting people. When the planets align and the feeling is right, we engage in extra-marital carnal indulgences with them.
As hobbies go, it sure as hell beats stamp collecting.
Most people think they can remain physically monogamous with one another forever, but eventually they come to the realization that’s an impractical expectation. Roughly half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, and many of the remainder aren’t exactly examples of wedded bliss.
The dishonesty inherent in traditional relationships is difficult to navigate. That’s what my second book, UnLearn Vanilla Marriage, is really about.
How did you become swingers?
Jane and I went to a Lifestyles party, and we took to it like ducks to water. We hooked up on our first night and never looked back.
Although we were never Ward and June Cleaver, we didn’t know what lifestyle would fit us best until we tried this. Neither of us had a desire to be paddled, so we thought [swinging] might be fun, and it worked out. However, we did know early on that traditional marriage was not for us.
Obviously, neither of us is the jealous type.
How did you become an atheist?
I read the Bible cover to cover. Twice. It’s a horrifying book. The Judeo-Christian God commands rape, torture, abortion, slavery and genocide — and all I could think was “no wonder they never taught me this in Catholic school.”
Once that bubble burst, I was forced to examine the rest of the nonsense I’d been conditioned from childhood to believe and never question. To me, an invisible, omnipotent space god just seems like an absurd proposition.
Why “UnLearn?”
The brand is based on a line from Star Wars, when Yoda tells Luke Skywalker that to become a Jedi, he must “unlearn what he has learned — meaning that Luke, like many of us, was taught a lot of things wrong the first time. The core message I’m trying to get out is that we need to examine many of the predispositions we were raised with and to demand truth in our lives.
Between the self-help business and religion, far too many Americans find themselves regurgitating the bullshit that’s been drummed into their heads. Most of it amounts to little more than warmed-over platitudes disguised as expertise, or common sense presented as breaking news.
Yes, I’m a nerd at heart.
Does being an outspoken atheist hurt your appeal in the swinger community, and vice versa? Or do the two go together, being as they are both outside mainstream “norms?”
Neither really impacts the other. Believe it or not, most swingers aren’t atheists, and most atheists aren’t involved in secular relationships. But both communities tend to be more open-minded, and as a result I get little — if any — pushback within either group. In fact, unlike most atheists or swingers, my wife and I have gotten virtually no negativity from anyone … even those outside both communities.
It’s kind of liberating being totally “out.” We don’t have to fear social reprisal from holier-than-thou, sectarian jerks.
What impact do you hope to have on society?
I am such a self-important ass that I actually hope to influence the zeitgeist, in whatever way I can, towards more rational perspectives. I get a lot of really great feedback from readers and viewers, so I know the brand is doing its job. It would just be nice to reach more people than we already do.
Also, if Roger Ailes were to burst an aneurism while reading an article of mine, that would make me feel like I’d accomplished something wonderful.
How is your crusade shaping up so far?
It’s really good to be me!
