By Timothy Titus
Special to YNOT

JACKSON, Miss. – In the U.S. media there’s a bit of an ongoing titter over a statistic alleged by a massively popular pornographic tube site: Politically conservative “red states” drive a disproportional amount of traffic to the site’s gay porn videos.

The typical thinking when deciphering the meaning of this factoid often boils down to assertions about conservative hypocrisy and the related notion those who most object to something are often the ones most likely to indulge in the very behavior by which they claim to be disgusted.

What the relentlessly liberal press never considers, however, is these statistics might actually be proof of something many social conservatives have asserted all along: The “gay agenda” is real, it’s advancing and it’s roping in a whole lot of southern gentlemen who are apparently trading in their mint juleps and manly, Colonel Sanders bow ties for vodka-splashed Red Bull and leather riding chaps.

While tech sector journalists and social network culture cops are having a blast making cheap jokes about closeted homosexuals who thump their Bibles by day while watching booty-pounding gay porn by night, they never address one simple, inarguable fact: Prior to the advent of the pornography-packed internet, nobody in the so-called Bible Belt watched gay porn online.

Obviously, then, what made these men gay wasn’t nature or genetics but the sudden and uninvited presence of hardcore gay porn in their lives, something I’m sure they first encountered entirely by accident — just as I’ve been accidentally walked into the same London public-park bathroom/gay-hookup spot every Saturday afternoon for the past seven years, each time more shocked than the last when some mustachioed miscreant starts sucking my cock without apparent provocation, much less overt invitation.

For years, the determined march of American political correctness has caused anyone who dares to utter concerns about the existence of a militant gay agenda to be chastised, excoriated and run out of their job as a CNN commentator right in the middle of a crucial live appearance, when all they were trying to do was alert the public to the serious dangers of frequent masturbation — and sure, maybe promote their anti-masturbation e-book a little bit along the way.

In misrepresenting the meaning of their gay-porn stats, Pornhub has revealed itself to be one of the standard-bearers of the gay agenda. Whatever its other motives might be — revenue-generation or the ruin of Christian families, one porn-addicted husband at a time — there can be no doubt the site is effectively an extension of the Pink Panthers, a platform from which aggressive homosexuals can continue to lob indecency artillery at the moral forward-operating base of Judeo-Christian values on which this great, free, proud, properly homophobic-as-shit country was founded.

If you doubt the gay agenda is a real threat, just consider what happened to San Francisco over the years. Once a bastion of decent, hard-working, female-prostitute-banging gold miners, these days the City by the Bay has become a stronghold for men who have not only never mined an ounce of gold in their lives, but wouldn’t have sex with a female prostitute unless she was only pretending to be a woman, no matter how much bullion you might offer them to do it.

If Pornhub and its web-conquering gay allies are allowed to continue piping out their queer smut unchecked, pretty soon there will be San Franciscos all over the U.S. One by one, major metropolitan areas will become hotbeds of homosexual pornographic terrorists, threatening our collective masculinity with their primary weapon of mass recruitment: the Sean Cody brand.

Mark my words people: Sean Cody is the non-violent, nondenominational, non-beheading, gay American version of ISIS. The only difference is one is a militant organization bent on destroying “The West” and forcibly shoving its despicable worldview down everybody’s throats, while the other is ISIS.

So, the next time you read something about red states consuming more gay porn than the rest of the country, instead of chuckling to yourself in a self-satisfied way and making a snarky comment about closeted homosexuals with old copies of Honcho tucked inside their Bibles, say a silent prayer of thanks that the militant gay agenda hasn’t reach your state — or should I say hasn’t reached it yet?

Timothy Titus is a London-based blogger, cyber-ethicist, amateur theologian and author of the e-book Jerking Towards Hell: The Spiritual Perils of Chronic Masturbation.