LOS ANGELES – In an official statement approved by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (NAMBLA USCCB) and written by the USCCB’s Committee on Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth, the bishops make clear their strong disapproval of pornography and its link to other “grave sins,” including masturbation.

Entitled “Create In Me A Clean Heart: A Pastoral Response to Pornography,” the letter flatly asserts pornography “can never be justified and is always wrong.” Greatly clarifying a related debate, the USCCB letter also states porn “is not art.”

Following two weeks of brainstorming and vigorous roundtable debate, this week the United States Gonzo and Alt Pornographers Establishment (USGAPE) issued its response, entitled “Create On Me An Erect Penis: A Pornographer’s Response to U.S. Bishops.”

Much of the USGAPE letter is dedicated to answering specific claims of the USCCB’s original missive, including the Bishops’ definition of porn and some of the effects the USCCB claims pornography has on its viewers and society at large.

For example, in the USCCB letter the term “pornography” is defined as follows:

Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world.

With respect to this crucial definition, the pornographers of USGAPE “concur in part, but also disagree in part” with the bishops, according to their response.

“We at USGAPE agree that, ideally and at its best, pornography definitely ‘perverts the conjugal act,’ but we also note with great regret much modern pornography fails to achieve this goal,” the letter states. “As for doing ‘grave injury to the dignity of its participants,’ here too, some of our porn-making peers are, admittedly, significantly more successful than others.”

USGAPE also largely conceded the USCCB’s point with respect to the connection between porn and masturbation — although the pornographers draw a distinctly different conclusion as to nature and strength of the link.

“Masturbation, which is deliberate, erotic stimulation often to the point of orgasm, commonly occurs together with pornography use,” the USCCB asserts. “While popular culture largely sees it as acceptable, masturbation is always gravely contrary to chastity and the dignity of one’s body. Like other sins against chastity, it seeks sexual pleasure outside of the mutual self-giving and fruitful intimacy of spouses in marriage, in this case, even outside of any relationship at all.”

While USGAPE does not dispute there’s some manner of connection between porn and masturbation, the pornographers clearly take issue with viewing such a connection as “necessarily a causal relationship.”

“No doubt many people masturbate while watching porn, but to leap to the conclusion they are masturbating because they are watching porn is a major non sequinedor none sequisitor nun seguetour leap in logic,” USGAPE notes in its response. “After all, while many Americans now use their mobile devices to watch porn at work or while riding the city bus, the majority of them do not masturbate while doing so, unless they are absolutely certain none of their coworkers or fellow passengers are paying attention.”

The experts at USGAPE also said the bishops’ position on the connection between porn and masturbation “ignores the significant possibility of mere coincidence being at play.”

“Who is to say all these people masturbating while watching porn weren’t already masturbating before they began their current porn session?” USGAPE asks in its response. “Recent research conducted by a major California university suggests a strong correlation between doing laundry and masturbating. Perhaps many people simply like to watch porn while doing their laundry, thereby skewing the statistics in a way that suggests a stronger relationship than actually exists between porn-viewing and masturbating.”

One major point of departure between the bishops’ perspective and that of USGAPE comes on the question of porn’s “visibility” in the modern world: The bishops argue porn has become “pervasive” while USGAPE believes it is “not nearly pervasive enough.”

“Erotic, over-sexualized, and pornographic images are more present in American society than ever before,” the USCCB asserts in its letter. “It is commonplace to see these images while reading magazines and social media content, shopping online or at the mall, or watching movies and television.”

In its response to the bishops, USGAPE strongly and pointedly disputes the claim.

“We aren’t sure what shopping malls you bishops go to, exactly, but please, if there’s even one where hardcore porn is routinely and openly displayed on video kiosks, or even within mall-approved adult video shops, we’d love to know where it is,” the USGAPE response states. “Among other things, this sounds like a terrific place to advertise our porn — if, indeed, the losses we’ve experienced due to rampant piracy of our content hadn’t already consumed our entire budget, including advertising funds, petty cash and next week’s payroll.”