SHELBYVILLE, Ky. – After being outed on social media by a former student, adult performer Harmony Fugue has confessed she spent 11 years as a high school music teacher in the Midwest before “getting her life back together” through working in MILF porn.
“As much as it pains me to admit it, I suffer from a lifelong addiction to the sound of poorly played tubas, flugelhorns and other valved brass instruments,” said Fugue, whose real name is Christine Kata Flicka. “I categorically deny, however, having any sort of untoward interest in flutes, piccolos or reed instruments, as certain members of the press have irresponsibly implied.”
Fugue’s pedagogic past came to light in a post from fellow performer Scotty Stiff, a newcomer to the porn industry who played trumpet in the marching band at Elihu Root High School in Shelbyville during the latter days of Fugue’s tenure as band director.
“Just realized my next scene is with my old band teacher,” Stiff posted on Facebook. “She’s pretty hot and all, but part of me is still scared of being sent to the principal’s office if my beard stubble chafes her thighs, lol.”
Stiff now says he “just wasn’t thinking” when he published the post, in part because “band teachers aren’t considered such controversial figures by the folks back home.”
“Where I come from, music teachers aren’t looked down on as much as they are in L.A.,” Stiff said. “I really had no idea I would be opening the floodgates to such a torrent of judgment and verbal abuse being directed at Ms. Flicka. I feel really bad about this — even worse than the time I slipped a whoopee cushion onto the piano bench before the start of the big annual class recital.”
Fugue, who has been performing in porn since 2012, has appeared primarily in titles released by Digital Iniquities, including MILFCapades, Mega MILFs, Munch-A-MILF and, ironically enough, the multiple-award-winning title Parent/Teacher Cumference.
Marvin Michaels, chief executive officer for Digital Iniquities, said he was “blindsided” by the news of Fugue’s past but did not intend to drop her from the studio’s roster.
“My only regret is, had I known, I would have made better use of her musical talents and knowledge,” Michaels said. “As it stands, the soundtrack for our best-selling BDSM title Maim-A-MILF is some lame, atmospheric techno crap we picked up from one of those ‘royalty-free’ music sites. Can you imagine how much better the climactic flogging scene would be if it were backed by frantic, swirling woodwinds and bold, blurting brass elements?”
Other producers are less magnanimous about Fugue’s teaching past, however, expressing concern in particular about her self-proclaimed “addiction” and how it might impact other performers on the set.
“When I hire a MILF to seduce and suck off a plumber or to be picked up off the street and butt-blasted by some roving frat boys, that’s all I want her doing,” said Mobocracy Films owner Whitey Capone. “I can’t have my male talent sitting around practicing scales on an oboe, or whatever, when they should be rehearsing their lines, shaving their balls, injecting Bimix and otherwise getting ready to do their fucking job.”
Fugue said while she’s “horribly embarrassed and totally mortified” by her spotty past, she has no intention of retiring from porn, much less returning to the “soul-crushing life of trying to teach music to profoundly uninterested teenagers.”
“As much as a lot of people look down on performing in porn, you just can’t imagine how draining it is to have 35 students give you a blank look when you ask them how many notes there are in a pentatonic scale,” Fugue said. “Sometimes, I just wanted to scream ‘The answer is five, you self-absorbed little morons!’ But you can’t talk to students the same way you talk to mopes on a porn set. Which, to be honest, is nothing more than another point in porn’s favor as an occupation, now that I think about it.”
Administrators at Elihu Root High had no comment about the revelation, other than to say there’s “no evidence Fugue routinely used drum mallets or slide whistles” as dildos and butt plugs during her tenure at the school, as previously reported by the Cleveland-based Daily Defamer.
