NEW YORK – In the world of porn, there’s often quite a bit of begging.
Even outside the realm of BDSM, where pleading with one’s dom is often part and parcel of the role playing, you hear plenty of supplication along the lines of “yes, please fuck my ass,” or “don’t stop, please don’t stop,” or “for fuck’s sake, would you please stop scraping my poor, helpless cock across your jagged, wolfman-like teeth?”
Even when porn is entirely ancillary to the subject at hand, or just being referenced as part of a flawed analogy, begging seems to worm its way into the conversation. Take this plea from Mika Brzezinski of MSNBC’s “Morning Joe,” for example, wherein she beseeches rival news network CNN to stop giving air time to Donald Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway.
“You’ve got to stop putting Kellyanne on the air,” Brzezinski said. “It’s politics porn. You’re just getting your little ratings crack, OK, but it’s disgusting.”
Inspired by Brzezinski’s plea and the broader media reaction thereto, I have one of my own: Please, mainstream media, if you have any concern at all for the psychological wellbeing of people with vivid imaginations, please stop putting the name Kellyanne Conway in the same sentence as the word porn.
It’s bad enough to see the lazy rhetorical trend of following any manner of noun with the word “porn” to create a new negative adjective spreading to the world of politics, but the fact it’s being done so widely and in connection with someone so uniquely hideous (visually and otherwise) is just egregiously cruel to those of us whose brains involuntarily try to picture the things about which we read.
Some years back, a therapist told me it was important not to be “selfish with your pain,” by which she meant when I was suffering, it would be helpful to express my suffering to others. As I interpret this instruction, it means if I find myself confronting sexually-explicit visions of Kellyanne Conway inside my head, it would be therapeutic to describe them here, thereby sharing my pain with others. (Sorry, guys, but these are doctor’s orders here!)
Inevitably, the first thing that comes to mind when I hear “Kellyanne Conway” paired with “politics porn” is the image of Conway bent over the Oval Office desk, taking a vigorous-yet-ineffectual attempted pounding from our beloved Commander in Beef.
Honestly, the more I study this disturbing vision that appears to have taken up permanent residence inside my head, I can’t decide which is less arousing: Trump’s fake-tanned “O” face, or Conway’s Beavis-like countenance looking bored to tears with the barely perceptible penetration to which she’s being subjected.
Alternatively, when confronted with involuntary mental Conway-porn, my brain is apt to reach for a common porn cliché in which a seductive temptress overcomes the resistance of an otherwise chaste man, using her sexual wiles to lead the decent man astray. Naturally, in the context of a pornographic Trump Administration, this means Conway initiating an illicit sexual encounter by doing a sultry striptease for our famously faithful Vice President, Mike Pence.
The only problem here is, thanks to a certain conspiracy theory about Pence, all I can picture taking place between these two following the striptease is some serious Vice Presidential pegging — and I’m not about to make you picture that in the same detail I do, just in case you’re having French onion soup for lunch and might think what should be a delightful, steaming bowl of deliciousness too closely resembles the gaping sequence of the “scene” playing out in my head.
Speaking of Conway-porn-related images I shouldn’t share with you, don’t even get me started on her three-way with Sean Spicer and Steve Bannon. The details concerning this vision are not something you want to hear, believe me. (Suffice to say if it were available on Clips4Sale, it would be found in the site’s “Bisexual Encouragement” category.)
At any rate, you get my point: if I’m ever going to make it through the day without repeatedly vomiting in my mouth in the process, the practice of referring to Trump-defender media appearances as “politics porn” must stop immediately.
Either that, or CNN needs to start booking Kenna James as its go-to Trump-defender.
Image: Kellyanne Conway speaking at CPAC in National Harbor, Maryland, Feb. 23, 2017. (© Gage Skidmore.)
