PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Since it seems everybody is offering predictions concerning the Trump administration these days (Trump may fire Sean Spicer and/or Jeff Sessions soon, he’ll be impeached any day now, the investigation into Russia will uncover nothing of substance, etc.), so I may as well offer one of my own.
Any day now, Trump will tweet a link to a porn site, or do something similar involving porn, then blame the mishap on an unidentified “friend.”
I base this prediction on two observations. First, as he has told us on many occasions, Trump has a lot of friends, many of whom he chooses to identify by their occupations rather than their names.
Second, blaming unspecified “friends” for embarrassing porn-related mishaps appears to be all the rage among politicians these days, from Ontario to the latest hot spot for rogue friends, Rhode Island.
Ramon Perez, a relative newcomer to the Rhode Island House of Representatives, recently handed out some printed material to his colleagues in support of his argument for a new bill called the Automobile Accident Social Protection Act (“AASPA”).
Demonstrating the depth of his research into the subject, the information Perez provided to his fellow lawmakers was an article from Wikipedia about a law in Puerto Rico which is similar to the AASPA. Unfortunately, other tabs visible in the printout were not from Wikipedia, but from porn sites with key words like “teen” and “young” in their title bars.
Naturally, a web-savvy guy like Perez wouldn’t make such a rookie mistake of leaving porn site tabs open — but he might, evidently, make the rookie mistake of not looking closely at information he was about to provide to his colleagues.
“I was asking a friend if they know something about it,” Perez explained. “So, a friend sent me that picture with the information I was looking for. I used that picture to make copies. I didn’t see the stuff at the top.”
Oh, those mischievous friends!
The rogue friend excuse isn’t the only trendy thing about Perez’s explanation, though. He’s also playing a local version of the Inexperienced Political Outsider Card.
“As a freshman, I have a lot to learn,” Perez said. “I am really ashamed and sorry about this.”
Yes, who but a seasoned, experienced politician could reasonably be expected to inspect potentially important documents they’re handing to other people? What 40-something former college freshman among us, for example, didn’t once accidentally staple a page or two from Hustler to his or her term paper, back in the day?
Besides, Perez isn’t some slick, Washington-style career politician; he’s the owner of a taxi company who was moved to run for office by a big boost in automobile taxes that threatened to crush the ‘little guys’ in the taxi business.
Another reason we should uncritically accept Perez’s rogue friend excuse: Perez is a champion of family values, and we all know folks who champion family values never turn out to be total hypocrites.
Yes, that’s right: Perez took office vowing to “fight for family values.”
“By voting for me, you will have someone who cares for your community,” Perez proclaimed in support of his candidacy.
Come to think of it, this fact helps make sense of the porn tabs visible in the printout: Clearly, the same friend who was researching Puerto Rican public policy on his behalf was also researching family values for Perez and thought it important to include a firsthand look at the erotic endeavors of teenagers — for the sake of being comprehensive, naturally.
I also suspect the title of the legislation for which Perez was stumping had a role to play in this massive misunderstanding, as well. After all, what would you expect to find in the SERPS after you’ve googled the term “AASPA”? (Beyond important information about the American Association of Surgical Physician Assistants, I mean.)
At any rate, one thing is clear: This mishap had nothing to do with Perez watching teen porn. At worst, he has a friend who likes teen porn, or perhaps just a research assistant who isn’t particularly interested in plastic surgery assistants, and so kept digging beyond the first few pages of Google responses.
As for my prediction about Trump’s impending, rogue-friend-related porn mishap, I’m confident enough in it to get far more specific in my prognostication. Trump’s rogue friend will be one he has known for decades, someone we’ve seen with the president before — someone we’ve seen sitting right behind him before, no less.
“Mark” my words, so to speak.
