PANDALE, Texas – With the annual adult industry pilgrimage to Tempe, Ariz., for The Phoenix Forum in full swing, the organizer of a rival trade event is completing a full-scale makeover designed to “rehabilitate” his event’s struggling brand.

“I’m not afraid to admit the Pinedale Forum never really took off as I’d hoped,” said Reggie Cheney, chief executive officer for Adult E-Vents Ltd. “So, this year we’re abandoning the limitations imposed by the isolated and backwater nature of Pinedale and heading for a host municipality that is far more cosmopolitan, hip and reflective of the cutting-edge nature of Adult E-Vents as a company.”

Yes, this year for Cheney and his company, it’s goodbye Wyoming and hello Texas — Pandale, Texas, to be precise.

“The Pandale Forum is going to be everything the Pinedale Forum would have been, had people been able to acquire transportation that took them there more directly,” Cheney said. “Conveniently located at the end of Farm Road 1024, Pandale is famous for its hospitality — particularly to people who have just crossed the Pecos River using a homemade canoe.”

While many characterize Pandale as a “ghost town,” Cheney disputes this label as a “misleading pejorative,” saying he prefers the term “rustic.”

“A lot of people tend to focus on the fact there’s no post office, school district or corporate presence of any kind in Pandale and conclude this means there’s nothing happening here,” Cheney said. “But if you look past surface-level considerations like these, you soon realize Ray, Izzy and their three adult children are more than capable of catering, providing security for and cleaning up after an adult entertainment industry event.”

Cheney referred to the family of Ramon and Isabella Obregon, a couple who have proudly owned and operated the La Frontera del Pandale Tourism Center since last Tuesday.

“Last fin de semana, Señor Cheney pay me 75 dólares to start el centro turisimo del Pandale. He say he pay 50 more if nobody who come get sick from los burritos,” Ramon Obregon explained. “Also, he say chicas desnudas come, too, if we have something call ‘why-fie.’ Is very fast.”

As always, Cheney said the stars of this year’s forum will be the educational seminars, along with the usual highly anticipated parties.

“One of the big advantages to Pandale as a host city is its proximity to the incredible nightlife of nearby Langtry,” Cheney said. “In addition to being the one-time home of the legendary, towering, American legal-community figure Judge Roy Bean, who I believe was once Chief Justice of the Val Verde Supreme Court, Lois over at the Jersey Lily Saloon makes one hell of a Bloody Mary.”

Asked if he was concerned about the fact the only two habitable structures in Pandale are the Obregon’s home/visitor center and the seemingly abandoned Pandale Church, Cheney assured he “held a very forthcoming and frank conversation with local officials” so they would clearly understand the nature and anticipated attending audience for the forum.

“The elders of Pandale, which include Mr. and Mrs. Obregon, three aging coyotes and a sun-bleached cow skull, are all very clear about the fact not everybody at this porn convention is going to be a Southern Baptist,” Cheney said. “They are fully aware some attendees will be Episcopalian, and they’ve assured me this will be the source of no tension, internecine squabbling or unanticipated biting.”

Included on the educational slate for this year’s forum are two panels that combine the subjects of content production and legal issues.

“Is It Really So Terrible to Surreptitiously Film Hulk Hogan Having Sex with His Friend’s Wife?” will feature adult industry attorneys Tito Mendacio and Marco Pollorazzo, provided neither has been disbarred before the Friday morning session.

Cheney said the other seminar, tentatively entitled “Adult Entertainment and Consent,” will feature a “knowledgeable, but as-yet-unidentified panel of experts who have lots of experience speaking about subjects that make everyone in attendance at an adult entertainment trade show profoundly uncomfortable.”

Also on the schedule is the annual “Playa’s Bowl,” a combination rap concert and celebrity pro-am flag football game that will feature accomplished pro sports figures and hip-hop megastars like Gucci Mane, DG Yola, Rae Carruth, Keon Clark and several special guests made available through a Dept. of Corrections furlough program with which Cheney said he has been working for several years.

“Technically, this is being facilitated by a work-release program in which these guys are supposed to be washing dishes in a Mexican restaurant in San Antonio, but so long as we get them back by the 6 p.m. round-up, I don’t think anybody will notice,” Cheney said. “Besides, there’s no way I’m eating a burrito made by Rae Carruth. I mean, the guy’s a convicted murderer. Letting him play flag football under the watchful eye of Mr. Obregon’s son is one thing, but handling a potentially dangerous cheese grater? Let’s not get carried away.”