By Gerry Dobwell
Special to YNOT

LAS VEGAS – To celebrate the great victory won by the forces of decency when Donald Trump captured the presidential prize last week, I brought my entire happy clan to the heart of family-friendly entertainment: Las Vegas.

While Las Vegas might be best known for offering a lot of not-so-Christian entertainment and attractions, like gambling, combat sports and all-you-can-eat shellfish buffets, it’s also home to the Trump International Hotel & Tower. I figured  Trump’s establishment must be the cleanest and most decent hotel in the city, judging by the outstanding moral character of its namesake.

I assumed there’d be all sorts of fun things for my kids to do, like reading what I presumed would be very fancy Bibles tucked into our nightstand drawer, or swimming in a pool of holy water, or playing rousing rounds of the traditional childhood game “pin the hijab on the likely terrorist.”

Imagine my surprise, then, when I realized this hotel offers none of the above, but does offer pay-per-view porn.

How can this be? How can the man who signed a pledge promising to crack down on internet porn permit any property with his name on it to traffic in the wages of sin and spiritual death?

My first thought was I must have accidentally checked into the wrong ‘Trump Hotel.’ After all, Trump is a pretty common surname. What are the odds there’s not more than one Trump International Hotel & Tower in a city the size of Las Vegas?

As it turned out, however, I was in the right place — just staying as a guest under the wrong policy. To be fair, Trump pledged to crack down on porn once he was occupying the Oval Office, and technically he doesn’t move in to that old White House dump until January.

Still, it’s a bit confusing to me why one of my heroes from the decency movement, like National Center on Sexual Exploitation CEO Patrick Trueman, hasn’t had anything to say in public about our president-elect’s hotels continuing to offer porn on PPV.

I refuse to believe Mr. Trump is getting a pass on his continued porn-selling for political reasons. That would suggest the NCSE values politics over its core mission of eliminating adult entertainment from the planet in order to end sexual exploitation, reduce women’s suffering, combat the ongoing tyranny of militant homosexuals and keep American women at home taking care of the kids, where they belong.

I think it’s very important for the NCSE to address the question of whether they’ve had any talks with Mr. Trump about ridding his hotels of smut. This would not only maintain the legitimacy of the NCSE, but also make sure none of that “locker room talk” is bleeding over and becoming “boardroom talk” when Trump Hotel executives discuss what sort of entertainment options to offer their guests.

Lest you think I’m making a mountain out of a molehill or labeling something merely titillating to be illegal hardcore pornography, let me run some of these disgusting movie titles by you: Naked Happy Girls, A-Cup Bubble Butt Nymphos 2 and — most troubling of all — a deeply sacrilegious piece of foreign filth called Gods of Egypt, which I presume to be radical Islamic pornography involving erotic beheadings and other Koranic porno-propaganda.

I can only assume Mr. Trump isn’t aware of the vile trash being delivered to his valued guests via the clearly devil-possessed coaxial cables running into the back of Trump Hotel television sets, because I can’t fathom why the man who famously (and correctly) declared “Nobody has more respect for women than I do” would knowingly allow this situation to continue once he’d been made aware of it.

Let’s face it: Saying one thing while doing another is something typical Washington politicians do, and we all know for a fact Mr. Trump is not a typical Washington politician, nor would he surround himself with such. Don’t take my word for it. Ask his newly named chief of staff, Reince Preibus, who is such a political outsider his last job was serving as the Chairman of the Republican National Committee. Admittedly, I know little about that organization, but it must have nothing to do with mainstream republican politics, or Mr. Preibus’s appointment would be in stark contradiction to Mr. Trump’s obviously heartfelt, off-the-cuff, straight-shooting campaign rhetoric.

Until Mr. Trump has been briefed on the ongoing porn problem infecting his hotels, I’ll work around this little problem the old-fashioned way: Put a traffic cone atop the TV, cover the whole thing in bed sheets and pretend I’m sitting comfortably at a decent and righteous Klan rally. That will prevent worry about being only a few feet and remote-control-button pushes away from certain spiritual doom.

Gerry Dobwell is the CEO, president, treasurer and Secretary of Decency for the White American Nationalist Klan (WANK). Despite what you might think, WANK is clearly not a “racist organization.” Every member is required to solemnly swear under penalty of perjury he had at least one black friend when he was in high school.

Image © Tony Webster.