By Nigel Jones-Griffin
Special to YNOT

NEW YORK – If you’re like me, porn isn’t just entertainment, it’s your passion. You don’t just watch porn, you analyze it, picking it apart and breaking it down, familiarizing yourself with the talent pool until you know it almost as intimately as the performers themselves.

For years, your vast porn knowledge has gone unrewarded, treated like something with a value even lower than trivia; a badge not of honor, but of an online life misspent.

All that has changed with the launch of my company’s exciting new daily fantasy porn league platform, ShaftKings.

With ShaftKings, you’re not locked into the same stars for an entire porn season, meaning every week is a new opportunity to turn your passion for porno into a chance to beat your friends, earn the respect of your fellow smuthounds and — most importantly — rake in some serious cash at the same time.

Here’s how it works:

First, register for an account. On ShaftKings, account setup is free; the only information required is your email address, credit card, social security and checking account numbers, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter logins, and mother’s maiden name.

Next, fund your account. Act now and we’ll match your deposit up to $250, although it may take some time for our matching funds to display in your account. Also, the balance in your account may appear to dip inexplicably from time to time. Don’t be concerned. This is perfectly normal — just a function of the complex and totally secure interaction between our server and our trusted, international currency conversion partners in Chisinâu, Moldova.

Select your team. Under ShaftKings’ rules, each player may choose up to a dozen performers, each of whom has a “salary” associated with her or him. Please note: Any given star’s price is not related to his or her popularity or notoriety, instead being primarily related to the quality of their performance during the current porn season as measured by standard porn fantasy league metrics. (More about those below.)

Over the course of the week, your chosen performers will be tracked during video and photo shoots, live cam shows, feature dance appearances and other official performances monitored by ShaftKings.

For example, every time a male performer ejaculates, ShaftKings scores the resulting cumshot on the basis of three factors: volume, accuracy and timeliness.

Suppose it’s a face-bang video, the whole point of which is to leave a single female performer’s face absolutely drenched in semen. If your Shaft Pick drops a massive load but most of it winds up on the floor rather than on the girl’s face, the fantasy points accrued will be less than if he had been squarely on target.

By the same token, a very well-placed pop shot might not score much higher than a misplaced gusher, if the accurate spurt amounts to nothing more than a few drips from the old man-faucet, if you catch my drift.

The ShaftKings scoring system is highly sophisticated, using an assortment of complex metrics to evaluate everything from solo striptease acts on the basis of sultriness, artistry and music selection, to gay gangbangs ranked according to grunt volume, gay-for-pay-enthusiasm and visible ab count.

To assure fairness, leagues are arranged by porn genre and performance type — so you don’t have to wonder how your black stud Shaft Picks stack up as pussy-eaters against the real-life dykes in your friends’ feminist porn league. This wouldn’t be a fair comparison, just as it wouldn’t be right to judge the lesbians based on penis size, especially because in this context, a strap-on dildo would have to be considered a form of Performance-Enhancing Device.

At the end of each week, points are tallied and winnings are distributed, so you don’t have to wait to reap the rewards of your in-depth understanding of professional eroticism — unless by “reap” you mean actually withdrawing the money from your ShaftKings account, which under Moldovan law is permitted only during the third hour of the second Sunday of every other 30-day month. Rest assured, in the meantime you will not be saddled with the hassle of your funds earning interest.

I’m sure you’ve heard the recent news about some state agency in Nevada saying it considers ShaftKings to be a gambling website, and I’m also sure you’ve heard about the “inside-her information” scandal which took place at FanDrool, our primary competitor.

Don’t let the bad publicity scare you away from ShaftKings. It’s just a lot of noise and negativity that has nothing to do with the dirty videos and clean fun happening for ShaftKings players, along with an attempted money-grab by some greedy desert fat-cats from Carson City, Nev.

First of all, as you can read in the tiny, blurry print at the very bottom of the ads we run during literally every ad break on ESPORN, ShaftKings is not a gambling website. Gambling involves games of chance, not games in which you rely on advanced analytics to predict which newcomer chicks will be goo gobbling All-Stars and which will be cum-dodging Shaft Day busts.

Just because there’s so-called “wagering” involved and the way winnings are dispersed depends entirely on the outcome of events completely beyond the control of the players doesn’t make daily fantasy porn anything like betting on the outcome of a horse race. (Even the adult industry’s most absurdly well-endowed talent isn’t literally “hung like a horse,” after all.)

As to the problem experienced by our competitor wherein some of their employees got caught participating in daily fantasy porn leagues, rest assured you will never hear of such things happening at ShaftKings. As soon as we read the FanDrool story, we put in place a strict policy requiring our employees to do a much better job concealing both their identities and their place of employment, effective immediately.

So, if you haven’t already started converting your hot smut smarts into cold hard cash, wait are you waiting for? Set up your free account now and start getting Shafted today!

Nigel Jones-Griffin is the CEO and co-founder of ShaftKings Daily Fantasy Porn League.