FRONT ROYAL, Va. – If you’ve ever watched a movie in which Morgan Freeman plays a detective or more than half an episode of any splinter of the Law and Order franchise, then I’m sure you’re well aware of the “escalation” phenomenon when it comes to serial killers.
This is the way escalation works: The first time a serial killer murders someone, he or she leaves shallow “hesitation mark” stab wounds on the victim and takes measures to hide the body, or at least delay its discovery. The second time the killer strikes, he chops up the victim with reckless abandon using a hatchet or machete and leaves several pieces of the corpse on the doorstep of the lead detective investigating the case.
By the time the third murder rolls around, the killer has become so bold that he kidnaps the 33rd Precinct’s beloved female lieutenant on live television, setting up a dramatic rescue involving a SWAT team that for some reason goes to the wrong house. The unfortunate timing leaves Jodie Foster or Vincent D’Onofrio or maybe even Mariska Hargitay to confront the killer by themselves in his dank, creepy hideout.
I’m not sure who is supposed to save the day, though, when law enforcement has taken so long to identify a serial killer that he has already escalated to full-blown genocide before Kevin Spacey has even been attached to the project.
Such is the situation we now confront with pornography, which in just a handful of months has escalated from killing love to murdering entire churches to its current level of homicidal mayhem, “murdering the moral character of millions of men and women.”
One would think if there were anything that could get President Obama, both houses of Congress and Jack Reacher to set aside their many differences and work together for a common cause, it would be an effort to stop porn before it destroys the world. But you know how liberals are: They’re more concerned with a serial killer’s civil rights than the fact he’s about to eat the entire population of Topeka.
The stakes here couldn’t be higher, as Jonathon Van Maren clearly elucidated in the LifeSiteNews article linked above.
“Think about it,” Van Maren implored. “If over 80 percent of men and close to half of women are viewing pornography every single month, how can we possibly expect them to be shocked by the exhibitionism and lewdness of the Gay Pride Parade?”
When he puts it in those terms, it’s easy to see why Van Maren is so concerned. What a travesty if people were to lose their sense of horror when confronted with the morally unhinged, bacchanalian orgy of outrageousness Pride parades represent!
The next thing you know, people will be warming to the idea of not actively discriminating against all these sick, depraved queers — a result I think we can all agree would be totally unacceptable and possibly the worst thing to happen in this country since we gave women the right to vote.
More worrisome still: If porn continues wantonly murdering all its consumers, soon there will be nobody left to be shocked by Gay Pride parades! Although, come to think of it, there also might not be anybody left to conduct and participate in the parades, since a lot of gay men watch porn, too. So, at least things might balance out in the end.
Some of you reading this may not think of stopping porn’s killing spree as much of a priority, especially those of you who watch a lot of porn and have yet to be dismembered by it, literally or figuratively. Mark my words, though: Porn is coming for you, too.
As for emphasizing just how very important it is for us to round up the porn killer and bring him to moral justice as soon as possible, I’ll let Van Maren determine the color to which we should raise the national security threat indicator.
“At the end of the day, rooting pornography out of our homes, schools and churches is the single most urgent task before us.”
Sounds like bright, murderous red to me!
Not to sound too excited, but I just can’t help feeling a little giddy every time the threat matrix goes above yellow, because it seems like when it does, we’re usually a matter of days away from bombing the living shit out of someone — typically, someone in or near Iraq.
Van Maren also confirmed something we already know about the porn killer: He’s poisonous.
“Pornography is poison, and it is murdering the moral character of millions who are drinking it daily and deeply,” Van Maren wrote. “It is destroying relationships. It is rewiring the brains of adolescents who are learning about sex not from their parents or church leaders, but from contorted porn stars and smut-peddlers.”
Most alarming among these facts, obviously, is the idea adolescents will no longer be learning about sex from church leaders, who have been doing such a great job with sex education up to now — just ask any Catholic.
So what can be done, at this late date, about porn, the once humble San-Fernando-Valley-based serial killer now transformed into a global, digital Hitler?
Clearly, it’s time for the big guns. No more Mr. Nice Guy, no more “porn is protected by the First Amendment” and no more bumbling SWAT teams inexplicably sent to the wrong house.
With all due respect to the federal government and law enforcement, they just haven’t gotten the job done here. It’s time for them to receive some high-profile help — expert assistance from proven problem-solvers who are accustomed to facing the longest of odds and still coming out on top.
Yes my friends… It’s time to call in Keanu Reeves and Harrison Ford.
