SAN DIEGO – According to well-placed sources familiar with the time honored practice of spreading rumors on the internet, a commanding officer of the Pacific Fleet’s Carrier Strike Group 15 has been removed from his post for watching pornographic movies featuring women with large breasts, rather than nice butts, in addition to showing “no apparent preference” for natural or artificial boobs.
If the allegations are true, then Rear Admiral Rick Williams is not only guilty of “misuse of government computer equipment” (the complaint officially lodged against him by the Navy) but also in violation of strict Navy policies requiring senior officers to “clearly, honestly and unequivocally declare their sexual fetishistic preferences,” as well, according to investigative journalist and military historian John Clark.
“While the U.S. Navy doesn’t require its officers to take a particular side in the real vs. fake breasts debate, it does require them to be generally honest in terms of their sexual preferences, especially when it comes to mission-critical questions like which part of woman’s body they find most alluring,” Clark explained.
“Really, what this comes down to is a question of honesty,” Clark said. “Williams had every opportunity to reveal he wasn’t really an ass man before he was promoted to the rank of rear admiral, so he’s not going to get much sympathy from his fellow seamen with respect to this demotion.”
Williams, who first earned his commission in 1984 and later served as a commanding officer in Operation Iraqi Freedom, Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Realistically, Even Fleeting Freedom Will Do At This Point, has not commented on being administratively reassigned to the staff of the commander of the U.S. Third Fleet, nor has he confirmed or denied an affection for “highly chesty” porn performers, as alleged in the Navy’s investigative report.
LCDR James Cutter, who served under Williams during Operation Find a Nice House in the Virginia Suburbs, said his former boss is getting a “raw deal in the media” and should be given the benefit of the doubt with respect to the information gleaned from the investigation into his on-the-job porn surfing, noting there’s nothing in the United States Navy Regulations (USNR) that “absolutely prohibits” a rear admiral from also appreciating a woman’s breasts.
“Who among us doesn’t like a nice pair of tits?” Cutter said. “Just because Rick has trouble making eye contact with female sailors with nice racks doesn’t mean he isn’t also checking out their tight, well-toned, military-grade butts every time they walk away.”
While Clark conceded it can be very difficult to decisively prove an officer has misled the Navy concerning his sexual predilections, the contents of William’s browser cache “leaves no doubt” in his case.
“Any true ass man, even one who occasionally streams a couple volumes of Real Big Tits for the sake of variety, should have a cache dominated by butt-focused and/or anal titles,” Clark said. “In this case, the report indicates not just an interest in women with large breasts, but a complete obsession with such. The evidence simply isn’t ambiguous: This admiral is all about tits — no ifs, ands or, especially, butts about it.”
Capt. Martha Ramius, who has known Williams since serving on his crew during Operation Mauve September, also came to the defense of her former commander. She noted that while Williams “routinely goosed” her, he never fondled her breasts, despite having many opportunities to do so in the narrow passageways of the destroyer O’Bannon.
“About six times a day we’d pass each other in a door or hatch, and never once did the admiral so much as ‘accidentally-on-purpose’ make contact with my breasts,” Ramius said. “On the other hand, if I turned my back to him as we passed, I could count on a reassuring, professional and very supportive feel of my buttocks to be copped each and every time.”
No matter the contents of the Navy’s investigative report, Ramius said she’s sticking by conclusions reached through her “substantial personal experience” with Williams.
“The bottom line: This man is a rear admiral, born and bred,” Ramius said. “He comes from a long line of Annapolis graduates, one of whom successfully changed the focus of the ‘Company Cuties’ section of the The LOG to feature more of a focus on women’s posteriors, a major step forward in flat-chested women’s rights within the Navy. Unfortunately, this forward-thinking section of The LOG was dropped in 1991 under pressure from the PC police, possibly in cahoots with lobbyists from the American brassiere industry.”
A permanent replacement for Williams has yet to be named. In the interim, sources say Carrier Strike Group 15’s leadership post will be filled by either Capt. John Stagliano or Cdr. Jules Jordan.
