CHATSWORTH, Calif. – It’s that time of year again, when we all come together to acknowledge and appreciate the selfless sacrifice and dedication of American veterans.
Typically, of course, when we honor and venerate veterans, we’re talking about the sort of veterans who go overseas to battle U.S. enemies — or who at least subject themselves to basic training and then spend a few years cooking meals or playing tuba in a marching band.
There’s another kind of veteran we routinely ignore, however, not just in mid-November, but all year round. While their sacrifices might not measure up to those of a war hero, they deserve recognition nonetheless.
I’m speaking, of course, of porn veterans, the courageous men and women who put their bodies and orifices on the line all over the world each and every day.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to pen a full and fitting tribute to our soldiers of smut, so instead I’ve taken a short piece I wrote for last year’s Veterans Day as a tribute to those who serve our country and edited it to make it more directly relevant to our nation’s porn warriors.
Happy [Porn] Veterans Day!
On this hallowed day, as we take time to reflect on the many contributions of the men and women whose hard work and sacrifice keep America the Land of the Free Hard and Home of the Brave Aroused, it’s important to remember our [porn] veterans hail from multiple generations, from those who fought performed in World War II Debbie Does Dallas to those who are actively fighting fucking as I write this, be it in the deserts of the Middle East Canoga Park or the snow-capped mountains of Afghanistan South Beach.
Even if you’re a pacifist prude, you can still support the troops porn stars while being against the war porn industry. Supporting our troops performers, however, means a lot more than simply tying a yellow ribbon around your car antenna penis, or slapping some cheap decorative decal on the back of your truck tablet.
Our [porn] veterans need more than lip service, more than a handshake and the perfunctory “Thank you for your service amazing ass.”
Sure, it’s nice to put a green red lightbulb out on your porch to let our soldiers porn stars know you’re thinking about them masturbating, but we all know these purely symbolic measures won’t put food on their tables lube up their butts.
Instead of simply telling [porn] veterans we appreciate their service servicing each other, it’s time we started showing our appreciation. We can show it as employers by giving them good jobs gigs, and everyone in the general public can show it by taking a more active interest in what happens to our [porn] veterans after the fighting fucking ends.
We desperately need to fix the Veterans Affairs system Free Speech Coalition and do more to support organizations and movements like Wounded Warriors APAP and Disabled American Veterans APAC. We also need to hold the federal government Esteban Harsch accountable for their his treatment of veterans disgraced reality TV quasi-celebrities.
As citizens fans who benefit from the protection entertainment offered by the selfless men and women who brave enemy fire STDs and spill their blood various bodily fluids for our freedom titillation, we owe a serious debt of gratitude to every [porn] veteran, whether they’ve been wounded butt-fucked in multiple conflicts hundreds of videos like an aging Marine Sergeant Hillary Scott, a fresh-faced grunt newbie experiencing his her first taste of combat semen, or even a just a cook mope who spent his entire military porn career anonymously preparing meals spewing cum on the base face.
So, as we reflect on the valor, patriotism and gallantry of our military porn heroes on this [Porn] Veterans Day, let’s do more than hang a light, tie a ribbon or offer a handshake.
Let’s put our money where our mouths their genitals are. Let’s donate to charities subscribe to pay sites that support our [porn] veterans and encourage others to do likewise. Let’s use social media to let [porn] veterans know we’ve got their backs backsides and they’re in our hearts, minds and prayers browser caches.
Most importantly, let’s never repeat the mistakes of the past, when at times we’ve allowed our quite understandable disapproval of warfare porn influence the way we treat the individual warrior porn star.
In other words, never spit on a [porn] veteran at the airport when he or she is returning home from a conflict set overseas — unless, obviously, this otherwise very rude reception is offered in the context of filming an upcoming episode of Public Spit-Swapping Sluts.
