By Abigail Cuthbert
Special to YNOT
NORRISTOWN, Pa. – Former Pennsylvania Attorney General Kathleen Kane violated the unwritten rules of the Good Ol’ Boys Network. People evidently serve two years in prison and another eight years in the limbo of probation if they commit the infraction within the borders of Pennsylvania.
No, I’m not talking about the TV channel formerly known as TNN, I mean the metaphorical Good Ol’ Boys Network of porn-addicted Pennsylvanian perverts Kane exposed through her brave, tireless and heroic efforts.
And yes, those brave, tireless and heroic efforts were also, technically, “illegal,” but as I’ve explained many times to my children, sometimes you have to break the laws of men to enforce the higher law: The Law of God. Typically, I find myself explaining this to my children as we’re all being forcibly removed from the property of a so-called “women’s health center” after shackling ourselves to the clinic door with bicycle locks.
All Kane wanted to do was make the state of Pennsylvania a better, healthier, place to be — and sure, one with fewer of her political opponents in office at any given time, as well. But I ask you, where is the real crime in passing a confidential file to a reporter, then trying to cover your tracks by framing someone else to make it look like they were the source of the leak?
It’s not as though Kane smoked a marijuana cigarette — or worse, sold one to some misguided hippy cancer patient who has been deceived into believing the Demon Weed has medicinal properties. All she did was harmlessly leak a couple of files about a corruption case a former prosecutor declined to pursue, in an attempt to make said former prosecutor look like the rotten, porn-obsessed scoundrel he clearly must be. I mean, if he’s not a filthy, lying, sorry excuse for a human cockroach, why would an upstanding, honest, forthright truth-seeker like Kane risk her career and freedom just to make him look like one?
Let’s face it, unless it’s being used as a pretense to impeach a Democrat, perjury is just a made-up nothing of a crime liberals trot out when they don’t have any real dirt on someone. The charge against Kane is just like the silly “criminal contempt of court” charge against the saintly Sheriff Joe Arpaio, the only man with the guts to selectively enforce our nation’s immigration laws against the only non-Muslim group of immigrants who are a true security concern: Mexidurans.
Or maybe they’re called Honduricans, or Argenzuelans, I’m not sure. You know who I mean: the rapists and drug dealers from down south of the border, whatever they’re called. Not the good ones who make burritos and happily do yard work for $5 an hour, no matter how humid it gets.
I also completely reject the reasoning behind the sentence handed down by the judge in Kane’s case, Judge Wendy Demchick-Alloy, whose Godforsaken hyphenation of a last name sounds like something Chevy would brag about using in the bed liners of its pickup trucks.
In trying to rationalize the heavy-handed sentence she handed down, Demchick-Alloy claimed “any lesser sentence than total confinement will absolutely depreciate the seriousness of the crime… A violation of this magnitude and severity is an extraordinary abuse of the system.”
An extraordinary abuse of the system? Oh, please! Demchick-Alloy makes it sound like Kane falsified evidence or murdered a judge or bribed a juror or deleted a bunch of emails from Hillary Clinton’s server.
Uh… Kane didn’t delete a bunch of emails from Hillary Clinton’s server, right? That would change everything, obviously.
This is an important question. I’m willing to forgive Kane for being a Democrat only as it’s only because I’m assuming she didn’t do anything to help Clinton or any other Democrat … except maybe Bernie Sanders. Anybody from whom Hillary Clinton steals a primary can’t be all bad, right?
Abigail Cuthbert is president and co-founder of the Ray City, Georgia, chapter of Free Righteous United Intelligent Trustworthy Caring Americans Killing Exploitation (FRUITCAKE), the anti-porn organization formerly known as the National Unitarian Temple for Justice Optimism and Brotherhood (NUTJOB).
