TALLAHASSEE, Fla. – Ah, Florida Man; where would we be without your brilliant ideas, periodic criminal responses to TikTok challenges, occasional eating of other people’s faces and other entertaining and enlightening escapades?

The latest Florida Man to distinguish himself with an idea that has taken the internet by storm is James Fishback, a Republican candidate vying to become governor of the Sunshine State. Fishback’s idea? Levying a 50% tax on the earnings of OnlyFans creators, to fund crisis pregnancy centers and a “first-of-its-kind mental health czar for men in particular because men have been told for far too long that they are guilty of masculinity.”

Yes, that’s right – because there’s no better way to counteract rhetoric about ‘toxic masculinity’ than to impose a tax on people who create sexually explicit content enjoyed by many targets of such rhetoric. An OnlyFans sin tax; that’ll show those moralistic, politically correct, cancel-culture-happy, censorious libs!

“Young women once aspired to be devoted mothers, doctors, lawyers, and nurses,” Fishback told Fox News Digital (who else would he tell, to be fair?). “Today, young women are told by an online platform called OnlyFans that it’s morally right to sell nude photos of themselves to strangers on the internet. I will not tolerate this cultural degeneracy as Florida’s next Republican Governor.”

Hear, hear! Kudos to James Fishback for bravely taking the lead against cultural degeneracy, while running for governor representing the self-appointed Party of Free Speech!

Predictably enough, there are some naysayers out there, including a few morally bankrupt harlots who create OnlyFans content, who are complaining about Fishback pushing his religious beliefs on other Floridians, or asserting that they chose to publish content on OnlyFans, as opposed to being cajoled and coerced into doing so by the sinister fornication enablers of Big Porn.

“No one ever forced me to start an OnlyFans, it was my decision, so I don’t need a 31-year-old man telling me I can’t sell my body online,” griped sinful OnlyFans temptress Sophie Rain in an interview with People magazine, another source of constant filth, harmful gossip and disgusting, exploitative photos of celebrities posing provocatively on red carpets.

Worse yet, Rain even suggested the One True God Himself is fully on-board with her so-called choice!

“I am a Christian, God knows what I am doing, and I know he is happy with me, that’s the only validation I need.”

Another OnlyFans creator victim, Piper Fawn, who to be clear is not the subject of Pink Floyd’s debut album, objected to Fishback’s bold moral leadership on the basis that he’s nothing but some kind of pushy, Bible-thumping buzzkill.

“He’s saying, you know, it’s a sin, it’s wrong, that’s true, that’s fair,” Fawn said, sounding to that point like she might be seeing the light at long last. “But sin is a biblical term, it’s not a legal term. If he’s really trying to make the state a safer spot or making changes for the better, I feel like there are other things that can be worked on and putting our attention towards versus taxing creators.”

Why are these whores of South Beach Babylon so convinced Fishback is pushing some sort of moral agenda? His remarks on the subject made it clear his sin tax proposal is designed to benefit the people of Florida, with nary a mention of Leviticus 18:6-19!

“As Florida’s governor, I don’t want young women who could otherwise be mothers raising families, rearing children, I don’t want them to be selling their bodies to sick men online,” Fishback told podcaster Joel Webbon. “And I don’t want young, impressionable men who have strayed from Christ, who have strayed from our lord and savior to be told and drawn in to lust.”

See? Fishback only made one, itsty-bitsy, teeny-weeny reference to our Lord and Savior, Donald Trump Jesus Christ!

Personally, I would like nothing more than to see James Fishback become the governor of the great state of Florida. What the state needs now, more than anything else, is his brand of clear-eyed, broad-shouldered, non-face-eating leadership.

Clearly, Florida needs a man (and yes, it must be a man – haven’t you ever read the Bible?) who will stand up, speak out and strive against all forms of immorality and un-Christian behavior. Among other things, I hear there’s some manner of pussy-grabber hanging around Mar-a-Lago who could use a little more Jesus in his life.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels