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//Middle Feature

80% Porn, Plus Pics of Cats and Food

BERLIN – Despite their apparent affinity for 11th Century social policies and militant religiosity, it turns out members of ISIS (aka ISIL, aka the Islamic State, aka “a bunch of swollen assholes who like posing for pictures while wearing keffiyehs and carrying AK-47s”) are...
Posted On 27 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

GOP Shouldn’t Stand For ‘Gross Old Pervs’

By Prudence Beecher Special to YNOT CLEVELAND, Ohio – As a lifelong conservative Christian, I was proud to find out the Republican Party platform for 2016 includes a strong statement about porn being a serious public health crisis facing our great country. It’s a clear...
Posted On 26 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Porno People, Prepare to Get Trumped

By Prudence Beecher Special to YNOT CLEVELAND – For years now, social conservatives like myself have been trying to raise awareness about the dangers of porn, promiscuity, homosexuality, Harry Potter books and Mexicans, lobbying our elected officials to do something, anything, to...
Posted On 22 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

We’re Really Stretching the Definition of ‘Porn Star’ Now

By Sasha McTush Special to YNOT VAN NUYS, Calif. – As a porn performer who has appeared in more than 700 scenes in the past two years alone, I get really sick of hearing every girl who has ever showed her tits on film referred to as a “porn star.” To me, you shouldn’t be honored...
Posted On 19 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

McDonald’s Blocks Porn, Saves America

OAK BROOK, Ill. – Famous for its child-protective policy of serving enormous lumps of meat-like substances smothered in healthy, fat-fortified, cheese-like substances, the McDonald’s Corporation has again demonstrated its ongoing commitment to the wellbeing of consumers by adding...
Posted On 15 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Historical Figures Respond to Porn Star Fantasies

NEW YORK – In response to a recent video in which various porn stars revealed which historical figures they’d like to fuck, several significant authors, politicians and scientists released statements today through respected necromancer Edward Johns, giving their perspective on...
Posted On 13 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

What Male Porn Stars Really Think About Facials

CANOGA PARK, Calif. – In the latest installment of its “Ask A Smut-Star” Q&T&A series, adult entertainment studio Oak Missile asked a handful of male porn performers what they really think about “facials,” the variety of ejaculatory “money shot” in which the male...
Posted On 11 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Introducing The Suroeste Omnibus Bill

WASHINGTON – With election season approaching, the entire country is getting ready to vote – not only to indicate which pathologically lying egomaniac we prefer to have occupying the White House for the next four years, but on all sorts of important ballot measures and...
Posted On 08 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Even Smart Guys Constantly Stare At My Tits

By Karen Komly Special to YNOT SAN DIEGO – As you may have read, at a recent gathering of Mensa in San Diego, a number of porn performers like myself were invited to “rub shoulders” with the big-brained membership of the high IQ society. The term used in the invitation is one I...
Posted On 07 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

What, No Porn Job Offer for a Hot Ex-Cop?

By Kenton Blare Special to YNOT SYRACUSE, N.Y. – I guess I must not be famous enough, because I swear to god I’m the only person who has been humiliated on the internet in a porn-related story gone viral to whom nobody in the adult entertainment industry has subsequently offered...
Posted On 04 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste
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