WASHINGTON – The FBI isn’t sure it wants to investigate the allegedly lopsided nipples of Real Housewives of Orange County cast member Vicki Gunvalson, according to sources familiar with the situation.

The possibility of an investigation arose in response to a complaint filed with the bureau after a picture of Gunvalson with her breasts exposed appeared on the social media account of a 15-year-old girl.

“Yeah, it’s pretty gross and all, but I’m not sure looking into crooked nipples is really the bureau’s areola of expertise,” said an active duty FBI special agent who asked to remain anonymous and appeared to have a wicked case of the giggles throughout the interview. “It’s kind of outside our perv-view, so to speak.”

In the complaint, an aggrieved citizen claimed Tamara Judge (another “real” housewife) sent the photo to the minor girl “in an effort to humiliate and harass one Vicki Gunvalson.” The verbiage broadly suggests, quite disturbingly, there’s more than one Vicki Gunvalson.

The anonymous FBI agent said he “doesn’t give much credence, much less clearwater or revival” to the claims made in the complaint.

“Look, I don’t mean to be a crass, sexist pig, but if anybody has humiliated this Gunvalson woman, it was the nearsighted surgeon who did her tits,” the agent said. “I mean, assuming it’s true her rack is askew — something the bureau can neither confirm nor deny at this point and isn’t particularly interested in ascertaining, to be perfectly honest.”

The agent said at the moment the FBI has many other pressing, high-priority items to address, like tracking potential American ISIS sympathizers on social media, catching dangerous fugitives and “endlessly fucking with the Clinton campaign in an extremely untimely fashion, just because we can.”

Former FBI agent Gary Gaslight said if the nature of the Gunvalson complaint were just a little different, however, it might generate more interest within the bureau.

“It’s partially the culture of the FBI, which is a very macho, sometimes chauvinist culture,” Gaslight said. “As causes for concern go, they just aren’t interested in handling lopsided tits. Now if this case involved, say, Kate Upton, and the question was a simple ‘real or fake?’, then I suspect you’d see a lot more agents lining up for the assignment and taking a very hands-on approach to their investigation.”

Asked whether the real problem might be the photo was somehow transmitted to a 15-year-old girl, not so much a question of Gunvalson’s breast-symmetry, Gaslight shrugged and said “I suppose. But ultimately, who really gives a shit?”

“In my book, better that she receive a picture of some obnoxious reality-TV star’s tits than a dick pic from one of her classmates,” Gaslight said. “Or, far worse, a dick pic from Anthony Weiner.”

On the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump was quick to weigh in on the situation, putting the blame for the picture going viral squarely on his opponent.

“Crooked Hillary has no respect for real housewives, real cyber-security, keeping it real, or anything else with the word real in it,” Trump said at a rally outside Crossville, Tenn. “As I speak, Hillary is working around the clock to rig not just this election, but the upcoming boob jobs of virtually every reality-TV personality not named Kardashian. It’s terrible, it’s dishonest, it’s several other words I can’t think of right now, so I’m just going to say terrible again, really terrible and we’re going to build a big, beautiful wall and, believe me, that wall will not be lopsided like the tits on that one blonde broad from the Bravo show about housewives, or whatever.”

Clinton campaign spokesman Rob E. Lection said he has “no idea what the fuck that big pile of orange shit is even talking about.” Lection also declined to confirm as legitimate an email released by Wikileaks in which Clinton appears to acknowledge awareness of Gunvalson’s cockeyed ta-tas.

“And people say I’m hard to like?” Clinton allegedly wrote, according to the email released by Wikileaks. “If this woman were any less likeable, she’d be in Congress in a heartbeat, even with her boobs all jacked up like they are.

“Let’s see if we can fundraise off that frightening possibility,” Clinton allegedly continued. “Only make sure you don’t tell anyone I suggested we do so, because it would be really, really embarrassing if this exchange were to be made public someday, especially if I happen to be running for President at the time. In fact, this whole staff and I should probably stop using email altogether from here on in — especially when discussing things like contracting hits on my former senior advisors, rigging elections or my ongoing torrid love affair with Brian Williams from MSNBC.”