HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – With all the hustle, bustle and excitement surrounding the extended Jenner/Kardashian family, from gender reassignment surgeries and celebrity baby births to relationships with rappers and allegedly drug-addled former professional athletes, onlookers can be excused for occasionally mixing up the details of the flamboyant family’s very public life.
When such a mix-up comes with a highly publicized, multi-thousand-dollar offer to perform in transsexual porn videos, however, the potential for embarrassment is far higher than when the confusion takes place behind closed doors or among friends. Porn producer Skidley Rott and his newly established adult entertainment studio, Smoking Butterfly Entertainment, recently received an object lesson in that sort of embarrassment.
In an open letter to Kylie Jenner published on his studio’s blog, Rott seems to have confused the young woman with her father, Caitlyn Jenner, who recently underwent what was likely the most highly publicized gender reassignment surgery in history.
“Kylie, you’re already such a brave young woman and a major source of inspiration to the world. I can think of only one way to bring your message of hope, acceptance, tolerance and brave, courageous bravery to another level,” Rott wrote. “Become a Smoking Butterfly Babe and share your sensuous, sexual, very courageous beauty with the world via a 22-minute erotic vignette in which you will play a brave, courageous, respected and very admirable transvestite street hooker who gets picked up by a kind, wealthy, highly discreet John—who actually looks a bit like Richard Gere, if the room is kinda dark and you squint just right.”
Soon after Rott published his open letter, his trusty production assistant and constant sidekick Scotty “Rugburn” Withers informed him of the error.
“As soon as I read the post, I texted Skid a quick ‘WTF?’ then called him up and explained the difference between Kylie and Caitlyn Jenner,” Withers said. “I still don’t get how Skid fucked this up. I mean, it’s not like nobody knew who Bruce was before he became Caitlyn, and the only ‘pole’ that Kylie chick has ever ‘vaulted’ is six-inches long, brownish in color and attached to some third-shelf Kanye West wannabee.”
Despite his open letter gaffe, Rott is “still very optimistic something can be worked out” with Kylie—and perhaps Caitlyn, as well.
“I’ve never been one to dwell on mistakes,” Rott said. “So instead of kicking myself over this minor ‘foal paw,’ I decided to turn the whole thing into a really efficient way to reach out to both Jenners.”
Rather than delete his open letter, Rott has simply edited the missive to be relevant to Caitlyn, adding a couple new paragraphs which introduce the idea of a “package deal” to include Kylie.
“You know the old saying,” Rott said, explaining his innovative damage control measure. “When life gives you lemons, pitch the lemons in the back of your car until you forget about them, then buy a new car once you’ve finally given up on trying to get the smell of rotten, fermented lemons out of your upholstery, because that shit is straight nasty.”
In his revised letter, Rott said his goal was to appeal to Caitlyn’s “maternal instincts.”
“Look, every father who becomes a mother, or vice versa, wants the best for his or her daughter, in no small part because she or he may later become his or her son,” Rott said. “So I just tried to reason with Caitlyn very logically on that level. I mean, everybody knows Kylie is going to do porn at some point—so it’s Caitlyn’s responsibility as a mother or father or maybe both, or whatever, to make sure the porn Kylie does is the right kind of porn for her, or him, whatever the case may be when the porn finally gets made.”
Rott’s faith in his ability to overcome his error to land the most sought-after celebrity porn deal since the brokering of Dustin “Screech” Diamond’s sex tape isn’t exactly shared by everyone in the porn industry, though—particularly by those competing for Kylie’s talents.
“Who the fuck is ‘Skidley Rott,’ anyway?” said GARISH Entertainment CEO Estebe Harsch, who reportedly has offered Kylie $10 million, free cosmetic surgery for life and a “brilliant and unprecedented” opportunity to invest in time-share properties in Aspen, Colo., as a lure to perform for his company.
“Everybody knows if you want to use hardcore porn as a career springboard that leads to weekly exposés being written about you in The National Enquirer and an extended run on a reality TV show which eventually leaves you reviled by every thinking person east of San Bernardino, you go with GARISH, every time,” Harsch added.
