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By

//Ben Suroeste

We’re Really Stretching the Definition of ‘Porn Star’ Now

By Sasha McTush Special to YNOT VAN NUYS, Calif. – As a porn performer who has appeared in more than 700 scenes in the past two years alone, I get really sick of hearing every girl who has ever showed her tits on film referred to as a “porn star.” To me, you shouldn’t be honored...
Posted On 19 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

McDonald’s Blocks Porn, Saves America

OAK BROOK, Ill. – Famous for its child-protective policy of serving enormous lumps of meat-like substances smothered in healthy, fat-fortified, cheese-like substances, the McDonald’s Corporation has again demonstrated its ongoing commitment to the wellbeing of consumers by adding...
Posted On 15 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Historical Figures Respond to Porn Star Fantasies

NEW YORK – In response to a recent video in which various porn stars revealed which historical figures they’d like to fuck, several significant authors, politicians and scientists released statements today through respected necromancer Edward Johns, giving their perspective on...
Posted On 13 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

What Male Porn Stars Really Think About Facials

CANOGA PARK, Calif. – In the latest installment of its “Ask A Smut-Star” Q&T&A series, adult entertainment studio Oak Missile asked a handful of male porn performers what they really think about “facials,” the variety of ejaculatory “money shot” in which the male...
Posted On 11 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Introducing The Suroeste Omnibus Bill

WASHINGTON – With election season approaching, the entire country is getting ready to vote – not only to indicate which pathologically lying egomaniac we prefer to have occupying the White House for the next four years, but on all sorts of important ballot measures and...
Posted On 08 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Even Smart Guys Constantly Stare At My Tits

By Karen Komly Special to YNOT SAN DIEGO – As you may have read, at a recent gathering of Mensa in San Diego, a number of porn performers like myself were invited to “rub shoulders” with the big-brained membership of the high IQ society. The term used in the invitation is one I...
Posted On 07 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste
Angry Feminist Porn Parody

Feminist Porn Fan Sick Of Reading About Erika Lust

SAN FRANCISCO – When Joe Ruffalo first started watching porn in the early 1970s, the act required far more commitment than it does today. One couldn’t simply fire up a web browser and surf free videos to his heart’s content. Depending on where a guy lived, his town might not have...
Posted On 06 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

What, No Porn Job Offer for a Hot Ex-Cop?

By Kenton Blare Special to YNOT SYRACUSE, N.Y. – I guess I must not be famous enough, because I swear to god I’m the only person who has been humiliated on the internet in a porn-related story gone viral to whom nobody in the adult entertainment industry has subsequently offered...
Posted On 04 Jul 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Let’s Pretend Clinton Vowed to ‘End Revenge Porn’

LOS ANGELES – When on the campaign trail, politicians make a lot of promises. Sometimes, they promise they will not raise taxes, telling us to “read their lips” to provide emphasis concerning how very serious they are about not doing something we already know they inevitably,...
Posted On 30 Jun 2016
, By Ben Suroeste

Bro-cest: The New Trend in Female-Friendly Porn

By Kaye White Special to YNOT LOS ANGELES – As a straight woman who’s a big fan of gay porn, nothing gets me hotter than the fantasy of two heterosexual men deciding to experiment with gay sex after a night of drinking cheap beer, watching violent sports and talking about which...
Posted On 29 Jun 2016
, By Ben Suroeste
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