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By

//Ben Suroeste

Mooch Has All the Makings of a Perfect Porn Pitchman

MIAMI LAKES, Fla. – In a flash of entirely predictable un-originality, CamSoda has offered erstwhile White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci a job overseeing the company’s communication strategy. The rationale for making the offer, obviously, is to garner publicity...
Posted On 01 Aug 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Porn Technology Marches On … into Weird Places

NICOSIA, Cyprus – Always looking for ways to help users conceal their pornographic activities from the prying eyes of employers, spouses, roommates, neighbors, prison guards and/or teachers, xHamster recently announced the launch of a private “Night Mode,” which allows site...
Posted On 26 Jul 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

And Now, the Exciting Conclusion to ‘Killing Lust’

WADENA, Minn. – Last week, I got all excited by the promise I would learn how to kill lust, only to be viciously let down when the “instructions” for doing so turning out to be one of those “tune in next time…” affairs. This approach to hooking your audience is the cheapest of...
Posted On 17 Jul 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Just What We Need: More Incentive for Dick Pics

MIAMI LAKES, Fla. – While CamSoda’s press push announcing the company’s alleged “Penis Recognition Tech” is clearly a publicity ploy, there’s little doubt many male CamSoda users will respond by taking and uploading pictures of their penises. More incentive for men to take dick...
Posted On 14 Jul 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Tune in Next Time for the Secret to Killing Lust

WADENA, Minn. – As a former Boy Scout, I fully appreciate the need to be prepared — and I mean prepared at all times, and for all contingencies. This obsession with readiness has served me well over the years, with the notable exception of the years I spent building an...
Posted On 10 Jul 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Rob Kardashian’s Instangram Stunt a Total Dick Move

Warning: Satire ahead. LOS ANGELES – While I enjoy taking cheap shots at them as much as the next guy, I’ll readily admit to knowing almost nothing about the Kardashian clan, other than the patriarch of the family was once a close friend of OJ Simpson’s, and later became a...
Posted On 06 Jul 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Rapper, Not Aliens, Fathered Former Porn Star’s Baby

LOS ANGELES – Every so often, along comes a headline that is so great, a collection of words whose proximity to each other is so entirely unexpected, the body of the article below it probably isn’t necessary, or may even prove a severe letdown. I ran across such a headline over...
Posted On 03 Jul 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Mia Khalifa and the Great Selfie Smackdown of 2017

AUSTIN, Texas – I recently got into a debate with an old friend of mine over the oft-stated axiom “violence should never be condoned.” His position, which I’ll freely admit is more admirable and principled than mine, is even retaliatory violence should be considered morally and...
Posted On 30 Jun 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

What Makes a Porn-Tweet Newsworthy?

INDIANAPOLIS – By their very nature, social media platforms like Twitter are subject to their users posting and publishing just about anything they please, including materials that clearly violate the platform’s terms of use. In Twitter’s case, even though porn (and “promotion”...
Posted On 29 Jun 2017
, By Ben Suroeste

Porn Is No Longer Written All Over His Face

ANCHORAGE – There was a time when I thought of getting a tattoo as too much of a commitment — sort of like getting married, except more lasting and less regrettable. These days though, with the improved technologies dedicated to tattoo removal, you can undo the decision to get a...
Posted On 21 Jun 2017
, By Ben Suroeste
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