Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I haven’t written in a long time! If it wasn’t for Judd I would probably still not be writing! Ever since the meat grinder accident…Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I haven’t written in a long time! If it wasn’t for Judd I would probably still not be writing! Ever since the meat grinder accident… (ah memories!) It’s my sincere pleasure to present and produce for your ponderance and pleasure …the Albumside Radio: http://www.Albumside.com greatest hits since 1999 (gee whiz Martha, we been on that long?)… Yes!
The best place to start is the beginning. The first huge hit was in 1999 when I told my wife that I had every intention of bringing a T1 into my office upstairs so that I could start an “internet radio station”. She hit me in the head as best I recall, and somewhat about the torso as she proclaimed my loss of sanity. What the hell?! Like coach Criswell used to say “Roll around in the shit long enough and you’ll come out smelling like a rose!” (Cue music: “Limp Bizkit, Rollin’ Rollin). Six years as a strip club DJ had prepared me well! Well? Sure!
Presented in no particular order, these top ten wonderful moments in Albumside Radio history!
1. THE HOOKUP – Was back in 1999 with KidSlick and the original YNOT. I was one of the folks lucky enough to be a YNOT member and served on the YNOT staff for some months. I had just started our little station, a one speed, one feed deal founded on the best of intentions. YNOT was one of the very first to support Albumside back then. They claimed the Friday night prime time slot and have had it ever since. These are exciting times! With Bob and Otto, LAJPR, Judd (waving!) … the whole new YNOT staff… it’s like being a virgin all over again! I love it.
2. THE AUCTIONS – As best as my feeble memory serves, we have done three (or was it four) auctions for charities and raised three quarters of a million dollars for Babies with AIDS, MDA, hospitals and people in need. The auctions ended up being “all nighters” with the generosity of the people donating and buying… it was a beautiful thing. People know the Dokkster is a soft touch when it comes to chillins. “Let’s have an auction!” “Somebody call Dokk. He’ll do it!” You can hear the groans all the way from coast to coast. My eyeballs get crossed after about six hours of auctioning! It’s all for a good cause. I can’t help myself when people show that they’re really a lot cooler than ya might have thunk it.
3. THE BOBCAM (And the BOB) – As I said, no particular order but this one hit me like the wet kiss of a hot fist! I dunno how he does it but on some Friday nights, YNOT Bob gets these foxy superfine TLU’s (tight little units) down to the YNOT offices and I’m the lucky bastard that gets to interview him while we check out LIVE video on the YNOT Bobcam (www.albumside.com/bobcam.htm ). The show has been SO controversial that some porners have wanted to BAN it! Which leads me to the next golden moment I call…
4. KB BLOWN – There’s no point into getting into ALL the grisly details but KB (JustKB) getting blown live on air and on cam pokes out like pike’s peak in the memories of my mind. What a trooper! How many guys could have the presence of mind to remember to spam up urls and programs while getting one’s skinflute hoovered thoroughly by a lovely young female practiced in the disappearance of tubesteak.
5. REDNECK CHAT – So how the hell did THIS get started? I call it “culture absorption and
retransmission” when I would take what people were saying in the chatroom during a live show and read it back to ’em Georgia redneck style. It was (and still occasionally is) a confederate confection of slang slingin’ and ya’ll callin’. Hey what does ROFL mean? Is that like a waffle?
6. COMEDY GUY – An Eskimo goes in to get his snowmobile fixed. The mechanic takes a look at it and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” The Eskimo brushes his lip and says “No that’s just some ice!” Get it? I’m still laughing about that one! The comedy guy (in case you’re not familiar) is another creature created during the live shows who performs his routine inside a rectangular bulletproof lexan cube with small holes and a speaker. Yellow and black tape is deployed around a 10×10 foot perimeter as he performs. It has been said that his comedy can be lethal at closer ranges. Insurance won’t cover it anyway. Everybody loves the COMEDY GUY. Even Electra though she doesn’t readily admit to it.
7. ORGASMS FOREVER – Fake or real, guys love ’em …girls love ’em! And we have an MD recorder hooked to the phone system here. Such are the makings for a killer collection of orginal fake and real orgasms that comprise a greatest hit series that goes on again and again! Just queue and hit play …oh oh oh baby! Thicker, deeper, wider faster! Set one to carnival music and enjoy an extra special treat. I’ve got enough orgasms for a full 74 minute CD of sexual moanin’ and groanin! No wonder I enjoy playing them again and again. Question? Why do girls fake orgasms? Answer: Who cares! Just get a nut.
8. KARAOKE – It’s oft been said, “the best audience is intelligent and drunk”. What better time to enjoy the exploits of people loosened up enough to wail away at their favorite tunes for prizes or braggin’ rights? Whether it’s Bestat doing a track from “Rocky Horror” or Meni murdering a joke, karaoke nights are spontaneous fun for all.
9. THE PRIZE MAN – We’ve given away more prizes (thanks to very generous folks like YNOT Masters ) than any other webmaster station or probably most any net radio station anywhere. Though I can’t win, everybody is a winner whether they win or lose. Are we confused yet? You will see the light when you hear the prizeman jingle! The chances of winning are 1,000,000 times better than your local lottery. Is there ANYONE left who hasn’t won a DVD player yet? Or some content … or a car or a boat or a house or 500 hookers and a Cessna citation? Okay I see a couple of hands in the back!
10. THE UNEXPECTED – Like the guy that called in thinkin’ that he had pizza hut on the phone and hung up thinkin’ the pizza hut guys were going to kick his ass. Or the wrong number girl who called back again and again with details on her sex life. Or the special wild birthday surprise show Electra put on for me in December, complete with complimentary webcams, poetry and a whole buncha really cool stuff that made that day a very special one.
In closing … if you didn’t already guess … I LOVE MY JOB. Every time I go on air and get to share the excitement with the listeners it’s a most wonderful and good thing! I’ve been DJing for more years than I care to count… there are lots of “disk jerkies” out there… but when you need the real deal yanno the dokkster has got your fix!
So join me… every Friday night…from 9 to 12 PM eastern for YNOT Masters Friday. You may be a part of the next “greatest hit!”
And don’t forget… “Klaatu Barada Nikto!”
