By Prudence Beecher
Special to YNOT
LOS ANGELES – Given what the poll numbers looked like prior to Tuesday’s vote as opposed to after the ballots had been counted, there’s only one conclusion we can draw about the defeat of California’s Proposition 60: The vote was selectively rigged, just as our exalted leader Donald Trump predicted.
How else can we explain the outcome, other than the obviously outlandish suggestion voters allowed themselves to be influenced by both major (and majorly corrupt) political parties, nearly every newspaper in the state, vocally anti-60 porn performers and other undesirables?
Amazingly, many porn performers are celebrating the fact they can continue to put the health and safety of the general public in harm’s way, all in the name of getting paid to engage in heinous acts of sodomy without protection.
“Thank you to everyone who helped make the Prop 60 defeat possible,” tweeted some hussy named Chanel Preston. “I am so happy to see performer voices make such a difference.”
What this poor, unfortunate, spiritually-misguided and shockingly sinful young lady doesn’t understand is the defeat of Prop 60 had nothing to do with porn performers being opposed to the measure and everything to do with a global cabal of bankers and media moguls (wink, wink!) who rigged the election against Prop 60, an effort that apparently caused them to forget to do the same with respect to the Presidential race.
“This is really pretty embarrassing,” a member of the aforementioned global banking and media cabal told me in a dream I had late last night, while speaking on the condition of anonymity. (I’m assuming he got my mental contact info from Jesus.)
“Here we intended to prevent the great and wise Donald Trump from reaching the White House and frustrating our attempt to establish a New World Order,” the apparition continued, “and instead all we did was give porn stars the right to get fined only for boning without a condom, as opposed to getting fined, sued and stalked until they felt compelled to relocate their productions to Hungary.”
I haven’t read any press releases from the AIDS Healthcare Foundation’s Michael Weinstein, but I’d imagine he’s just as upset as I am about the defeat of Prop 60. And if I’m guessing correctly at the rest of Mr. Weinstein’s politics, he’s probably not feeling much offsetting positivity with respect to the election of Donald Trump and the impending re-greatifying of America.
The good news here (the Gospel, if you will) is Trump repeatedly said during the campaign he’s going to be the “Law-and-Order President” — and I’m guessing he wasn’t signaling his intent to sit around watching marathons of cop-and-lawyer shows on Hulu.
Combined with signing a pre-election pledge to crack down on internet porn, I believe Trump’s law-and-order promise suggests he’ll be taking a keen interest in making sure porn stars wear condoms, even if it means personally grabbing and checking each pair of porn star-genitals in the San Fernando Valley with his famously long-fingered hands. From there, it will only be a matter of time before Trump comes to the inexorable conclusion many of us anti-porn decency crusaders long ago reached: The most appropriate place to house American porn producers is Guantanamo Bay.
Yes, regardless of the unjust and inexplicable outcome of the Prop 60 vote, the porn industry’s Day of Reckoning is coming. This reckoning may not involve getting sued by an army of public porn-watchers, but so long as it does involve water-boarding, condoms and jail time, it will be just fine by me.
So enjoy your hollow “victory” porn industry, and be sure to stay up late into the night doing your bethamphetamones and math salts (or whatever they’re called), because come Friday, Jan. 20, 2017, your days will be numbered with giant, golden Roman numerals, gloriously engraved on the exterior walls of the West Wing.
Prudence Beecher is a devout Christian, mother of seven, needlework expert and anti-pornography activist from Anniston, Alabama. She is also the author of several fine e-books, including Forget Evolution and Climate Change, The Jury SHOULD Still be Out on Gravity and Locketh Her Up: What the Bible Says about Hillary’s Emails.
