LOS ANGELES — With today’s college frosh arriving with little to no sex education, xHamster is offering a little guidance of its own to help today’s students understand the difference between what they see on xHamster and real sex. The guide covers everything from condoms to consent and hopes to help address the gaping sex educational gap.
Following are the text of the letter and the guide.
Dear First Year Students:
We need to have a word with you about sex, and porn. In the past month, we’ve seen a dramatic uptick in visits from college towns, as newly minted 18 year olds, liberated from parental monitoring and ready for adulting, log on to our site.
A 67% increase in new visits from Chapel Hill. A 52% increase at State College. Goooo team!
Not so fast.
It turns out that half of you haven’t had any formal sex education at all. And the ones who were lucky enough to have someone explain the very basics of anatomy and reproduction? Three-quarters of you received only messages on abstinence. That’s INSANE.
How the hell are you supposed to understand what’s going on on this site? How can you understand even basic issues like pubic hair and condoms, let alone consent, BDSM and user-uploaded granny videos? And yet, that’s what you’re expecting us to teach you. I realize that most of you think you can handle it, that you know plenty about sex from friends, and the internet, and can just Google the rest.
But we have to tell you, you know far less than you need. Imagine if your school district cancelled Driver’s Ed, and had you watch The Fast and the Furious instead. Well, we’re not giving you the keys just yet.
We know we can’t fully stop you — you’re Generation VPN, after all, and we believe you have a right to not have to disclose personal information to us. We also know we’re not sex educators. (Although, we’ve took a stab at it with The Box.)
But we’d be remiss if we didn’t at least issue some basic guidelines for understanding some of what you see here:
The xHamster Guide to Porn for College Students
Condoms You won’t see them in a lot of films, just like you don’t see seat-belts in action movies. That doesn’t mean there’s no protection. Adult film performers are tested every fourteen days for a STIs, and are on birth control to boot. And we’re not talking some college-town free clinic — we’re talking industrial-strength blood tests. Want to have sex like a porn star? Call us when you’ve dropped $200 on a next-day RNA antigen test. Until then, get used to having frank discussions about STI risk and prevention with each partner … or, just use a condom.
Consent You don’t see many people negotiating consent during a porno. That’s because it was all done — often with lengthy contracts and checklists — prior to the shoot. Or because the married amateur couple you’re watching has done it a thousand times before. On that note: Those casting couch videos? They’re fake. So are the bait busses, the surprised babysitters, the sleeping stepsisters, the creepy doctors visits, and the hidden camera videos.
In real-life, sex without consent (or sex with pressure, surprise, coercion or any other douche-trickery) is assault. Be prepared to get consent every single time, for every single juncture.
Anal Sex Looks easy, right? Looks like everyone’s doing it? Wrong. When done without appropriate education, it’s painful, time-consuming and messy. The difference between enjoying anal sex videos and having anal sex is difference between watching Top Chef … and going on Top Chef. It’s fine that you’re interested, but get familiar with the kitchen before you try it. Even more important, make sure the kitchen is open.
Fauxcest Don’t even get me started. Role playing and taboo is fun — as a fantasy. We’ve been taught so much shame around sex, that we fetishize almost anything that seems scandalous. That said, don’t beat yourself up about getting turned on. It doesn’t make you a pervert. It’s not even new — ask a classics major. Sophocles was basically writing 400BC fanfic.
Facials Facials are the M. Night Shyamalans of porn. A surprise ending that’s satisfying for the person shooting it, and leaves everyone else angry and in disbelief. Did your partner ask for it without prompting? If not, they don’t want it.
Sexuality Think you can’t be attracted to domination? To pregnant women? To trans men? Actually, helping articulate desire is one thing that porn is pretty good at. Come to human sexuality with an open mind. Not everything will be for you (or for your partner), but porn can be a great catalyst for starting the discussion.
Just remember: sex is fun. Sex is exciting. But sex is a skill to learn. All the WikiHows in the world can’t teach you to do it well. That takes communication, practice and enthusiastic consent — and conversations with educators.
Unlike your high school, your university is likely filled with resources about sex and sexuality. So before you log-on here again, we want you to go to the University Clinic. Go to The Box. Go to the LGBT Center. Go to Sex Week lectures. Go to Planned Parenthood.
Come back to us when you’re ready for a graduate course.
Alex Hawkins
Vice President, xHamster
media@xhamster.com
