Porn stars invading homes sounds like a premise for a smutty movie, but it’s set to happen IRL in Britain this summer. The only thing is, they’re not human porn stars — they’re fleas.
A warmer-than-average winter followed by a wet and mild spring has created the perfect breeding conditions for the common household pests, according to The Sun, which also claimed “It’s being made worse by super-fleas, a mutation far bigger than the normal-sized blighters.”
Those super-fleas have been nicknamed “porn star fleas.” And for good reason. “They have sizeable appendages, two-and-a-half times longer than their body — the biggest willy on the planet relative to their size,” said The Sun. With members like that, porn star fleas put your average human porn star to shame!
The well-endowed fleas are set to invade British households in the next few weeks, when they’ll be at the peak of their breeding season. “The population of fleas seems to have grown rapidly in recent years, but the risk of an infestation could be bigger than ever this summer” due to the extremely temperate weather, a representative from Basis Prompt, a British pest-control company, told The Sun.
During this annual mating frenzy, male fleas will be “rushing from female to female,” each of whom can lay 50 eggs a day without breaking a sweat, according to The Sun. With the super-sexy porn star specimens among their number, this mating season could be at an all-time orgiastic peak!
Once they’ve started reproducing, “The beasts then set up home in carpets and furniture and can go on a mating frenzy, leading homes to be quickly overrun with the bugs,” The Doncaster Free Press reported. And, according to The Sun, getting the porn stars out of your home could be difficult, since “scientists have found the super-fleas can defy shop-bought powders.”
It may be a terrible time to be a cat, dog or human ankle in Great Britain. But “porn star fleas” making headlines with their gigantic insect dongs? What a time to be alive for the rest of us!
Photo of insects — though not fleas — mating by Coen Deurloo.
