By Peter Berton
TORONTO – Crack-smoking Toronto Mayor Rob Ford needs to be whipped into shape, according to more than a few voters and international media. A local professional dominatrix said she’ll perform the public service for free.
“Give me a week with him,” Mizz Barbie Bitch told the Toronto Sun. “It’s my civic duty. I love my city. I want to give back to it.”
The offer came as something of a surprise to those who know her, as Bitch is a staunch Ford supporter. The mayor does have some good ideas, she noted, citing Ford’s constant calls to reduce taxes in Toronto.
More importantly, she told the Sun, from where she sits Ford’s over-the-top misbehavior looks a lot like a cry for help. Clearly the embattled mayor is a closet submissive in search of a firm hand, Bitch opined.
“Funny, eh, how he dominates in his work life, but outside that he puts the power in the hands of anyone with a video camera,” Bitch observed. “He puts himself in these volatile situations. Completely masochistic.”
What kind of therapy would she prescribe?
“We need to start over; regress him back to his baby days,” Bitch offered. “Diapers, pacifier, the whole thing. Then we reprogram him.”
She also issued an open invitation to hizzoner, assuring him she’ll forgo her usual $225 hourly rate: “Call me, Mr. Mayor. I can help you.”
Ford’s hijinx were the subject of a Woodrocket sex-and-drugs parody in November. The mayor remains a primary focus in a police investigation into illegal narcotics trafficking, including allegations Ford ordered a near-fatal hit on an imprisoned former brother-in-law in order to suppress evidence.
Ford faces re-election this year.
